Eternal Earthbound Pets - for $110 animal loving atheists will guarantee care for your pets after the rapture.
Yes, YOU might have a friend in Jesus, but He hates your pet. Apparently. At least that seems to be the gist here. You go up to heaven; your pet is screwed.
If you're not particular about your animal's surrogate owner being an atheist, there's always JesusPets, which doesn't guarantee atheism but asks the following:
Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food. Do you want that to happen?Yeah. That would kind'a put a damper on heaven for me too.
Eternal Earthbound Pets has a question and answer section to reassure potential clients, such as:
Q: When the Rapture occurs, how long before my pet is rescued?Isn't that sort of like asking when we'd have electricity after the hurricane? I mean, who around here has even been through a rapture? I imagine it's going to be a totally new experience for most people.
Eternal Earthbound Pets, however, says they're targeting 18-24 hours from realization of the rapture. Well okay then. What can you even say about a service like this?
For my part, I'm extremely torn by the discovery. On the one hand, I'm endlessly amused by the extent of what's available on the internet. On the other hand, it's so incredibly sad the lengths people will go to to screw each other over.
Unless of course, the atheists are really serious about being compassionate to your pet for a price. Which opens up a whole 'nother set of PR opportunities for other groups.
Like, how about: Jews! In the event of the rapture, we'll care for your houseplants for FREE!