I'm not sure why. But them are the rules. I know, because I had this conversation with my friend Beth a good while back:
Beth - "So Jake was telling me he wanted to go to this place he saw on TV that looked fun.Taking my kid to a bar downtown didn't make me cool either. Even though I was attempting to take her to the "Cash Bash", as in Johnny Cash Bash.
We went back and forth on the name and finally figured out that he meant Dollywood. So I asked him if Dolly Parton was in the commercial. I said, 'Did she have blond hair?' and Jake said yes.
So I asked if she had really big boobs and Jake said, 'You're so cool!"
Me - "I talk about boobs all the time and my kids don't think I'M cool!"
Beth - "You talk about them too much."
Me - "Oh."
In fact, it turns out my gal is afraid of crackheads. Who knew? Her and her friend sounded like this in the back of the car:
My sweet pea - He's got sleeping bags! And he's YELLING at us!!!!Seriously, what's the use of going downtown if you don't piss off a few hobos? Or crackheads. Actually, I think we should start calling them car security professionals. Maybe issue a few badges.
Her friend - That just means we're good.
My sweet pea - At what?!?!?! Pissing off hobos?!?!?
That might make people feel better. Because I found out my friend wasn't so crazy about the homeless looking people hanging around downtown either:
Me - We just park right over here.You know what makes you a totally cool parent though? Letting your kid drive your car! Mine loved that! Doesn't she look happy?I mean, not that I care if I'm cool or not. I'm just trying to make it through this whole parenting thing without enough resentment to eat one or both or all of us alive. I do have a moment every now and again though.
Her (indicating a "hobo" by the side of the road) - I don't know about that guy there.
Me - He just wants to watch your car for a couple of dollars.
Her - I don't know if I want him to watch my car!
Me - The crackheads?!?!?! They're good at it!