Monday, March 29, 2010

What is this Good Housekeeping?

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you...what was it again? Oh yeah...Passover. Happy Passover everyone!

If you're inclined to cook, here are some chocolate recipes to help all that matzah go down. And if you're not inclined to cook, or don't celebrate Passover, or WORSE don't even like chocolate, you can just skip this one.

Matzah candy:
If you don't celebrate Passover, you could make the same type of thing using Saltine crackers. I like the candy part sort of soft, so my recipe cooks for less time than most:
3-4 boards of matzah
3/4 cups of butter
12 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 cup brown sugar

-Melt butter with sugar on medium heat, stirring constantly.
-Bring to a low boil and cook 3-4 minutes.
-Grease cookie sheet with butter.
-Lay matzah on a cookie sheet and fill empty places with pieces of matzah (in other words the entire cookie sheet has one layer of matzah)
-Pour sugar mixture over the matzah
-Cover with chocolate chips
-Put into a 350 degree oven for a few minutes, just until the chocolate chips are soft and melty.
-Spread chocolate evenly over the matzah and sugar/butter mix with a knife or spatula
(this picture shows a double recipe)-Refrigerate
-Break into pieces
-Gain 70 pounds just by looking at it
(this is a single recipe)
Passover Brownies:
Unlike the candy recipe, you probably wouldn't make this if you don't celebrate Passover. Still, as baked goods made of matzah goes, these are very yummy. I can't remember who gave me the recipe. Maybe my friend Annette.
1/2 C matzah cake meal
1/2 C potato starch
4 squares unsweetened baking chocolate
4 eggs
2 t vanilla
2 C sugar
1 C butter

Mix together the same way you would any brownies (I like to do mine Baker's One Bowl Brownie style - microwave the butter & chocolate first, then mix in sugar followed by eggs and other ingredients.
Bake in a 9 x 12 at 325 for a half hour.
Now back to our regular programming...

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Would You Care for a Canned Cheeseburger With Your Syphilis Greeting Card?

My biggest news at the moment is that I have FINALLY, FINALLY reinstated my "blog roll"! I had deleted it because the old blogroll caused me too much anxiety.

I now have a new and improved blogroll though! So, if your blog is missing, it either means you haven't updated recently or I've screwed up. OR it could mean that last time I clicked on your blog, a giant virus tried to eat my computer.

I found some more crazy pictures too, of course. Look, you have to be at least as smart as this sign just to live in Bellaire:I think. Although, I'm confused, because it looks very expensive. Too expensive to use to advertise a one time meeting, I'm thinking.

Apologies gentle readers: The-Guy felt that such crass humor should not be included on a family oriented blog such as this one. And while I quite agree with him in theory, I feel obligated to advertise this discovery:I've just never seen this flavor of soup before. Apparently my knowledge of Jamaican cuisine has been lacking.

Here's another recent food discovery. Maybe it's already made the rounds of Facebook and such, because I saw it on the internet and not in the grocery store:I'm certainly going to keep my eye out for it. I mean, it comes with the bun and everything! And the lettuce looks so fresh! I can only imagine how it looks straight out of the can.

My last discovery came about because I happened to take a look at my google searches. Look: someone found this blog by searching, "Sorry I gave you syphilis greeting cards."

I had no idea there was a market! Perhaps a new career opportunity awaits. I do enjoy making greeting cards, after all.



Cheeseburger in a can picture.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

You Can Totally Sin on the Way to Home Depot and Not Even Worry About It

I learned a great place NEVER to keep your extra boxes of contact lenses: an empty Q-tip box.

Yes, it might SEEM the perfect size. And it's cheap, even as plastic containers go. But let me speak from experience: its a very bad idea.

"Why?" The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken wanted to know. Why did I keep my extra boxes of contact lenses in an empty Q-tip box?

Why? Because that's just where I kept them. But not anymore. I dunno. I mean, why do you throw away a seemingly empty box of Q-tips when I leave it in the middle of the bathroom floor? Because he's neater than me (and cleaner than me) in general.

And how, exactly, do I express my (very, very true) appreciation for my man's neater-and-cleaner-than-me tendencies? I keep him company at the Home Depot, of course.

I've always been scared of those warehouse type of stores, especially if their parking lot is much bigger than the entire town where I grew up. But I've been discovering Home Depot's redeeming qualities.

Like, who the heck knew they named the shelving units?

This shelving unit, for instance, appears to be named Calvin.And look at this cool thermostat! If you buy it, your children get to eat popcorn! Or wear white! Or something... I mean, they're adorable and all, but what exactly DO popcorn eating children have to do with a thermostat?Anyway, Home Depot's a fun place. And if you accidentally sin on your way there, you can stop here:Thank you! It's good to know I have somewhere to go in case I'm rejected by the wholesome popcorn eating children of Home Depot.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I've Always Wanted to be Beaten Up by a Catering Company

Hello fellow residents of Bloggville! How has your week been? Here just the normal assortment of wonderful and horrible and mundane.

I deleted my sweet pea's entire research project for English class. Neither of us panicked. At least if you don't count her cries of "I am SO GOING TO FAIL!!!!" and y'know, those little irregular heartbeats I was having. We got it back though.

Older Gal took my boy for a haircut, for which I am forever grateful. At least, I assume I'll be grateful. I haven't actually seen the results. Here's a "before" though. He's the one with a head.My good for nothin' evil cat enjoyed Swiss chard:He wasn't anywhere near as enthusiastic about the butternut squash. But he believes you shouldn't turn up your nose at anything without trying it first.I saw this sign. It's been a good many years since I set foot inside a Spanish classroom, but what does this place do? Assault its customers in between the appetizer and the main course?I attended both a funeral and a bar mitzvah and sat on both sides of parent teacher conferences. I baked and cooked and did laundry.

I went to collect my license from the bar where I accidental left it last Thursday in exchange for some darts. I finished my taxes. I'm ready to start a countdown until Spring break. Just a regular ole' week.

Friday, March 05, 2010

Dodged Another One

As the 80-something year old teacher that was subbing with me in my classroom through November and December would say at the end of the day, "Dodged another one!" If I could only have half that woman's energy when I reach even 70, I'll be one happy old geezer.

Here I've dodged an entire week, only just. I'd list why the week was so difficult, but I can promise it would be boring. Apologies and thanks to friends who have already suffered through my complaints!

So these are not the pictures I planned, but I at least I managed to scare up a post:

I'd like to return my bride please!Ain't it nice that here in the big city they make things so easy? I bet you country folk still have to go through all that messy divorce stuff. Here you can just pick up and return. Apparently.

Here's Sugar performing a close inspection of my Valentine's flowers.I may have posted this picture before. I don't think it's a repeat, but I can't really remember. One thing I know for certain though, I HATE IT when my peanuts are contaminated by nuts!
Seriously, it's a never ending source of amusement for me. There's no just no end.

For instance, doesn't this sign cause as many accidents as it prevents? What does it even mean?!?!Sorry for the quality of the photo. It's that whole, "taking a picture from a moving vehicle in the dark" thing again. I did the best I could with it, but it hurts my eyes too.

That's about all I've got for now. I'd like to say I'd be more present next week, but the fact of the matter is that somehow in the constant low-key disaster that was this week, I managed to enroll to study for a masters in teaching. Or a master's in teaching. Or a Master's. Or Masters. There seems to be some disagreement about the correct grammatical form.

In any case, I'm not sure it really bodes well for finding the pictures I actually WANTED to post this week. But happy weekend everyone! We made it! Or I did at any rate...

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