Thursday, October 02, 2008

How to Buy a House

First off, try and make certain the economy is in total turmoil. A mortgage crisis is not totally necessary but it's a nice touch.

See if you can get the closing date on Rosh Hashannah, one of the most celebrated Jewish holidays of the year.

Then, arrange for the biggest hurricane to hit your area in 50 years to plow through 18 days before the closing date. Check and see if the house is still there.

Once bankers, mortage people and all interested have reached optimum panic, have them appraise the house. Make sure they find it lacking by at least $15,000. This step should only be performed AFTER turning in notification to vacate your appartment and calling for utitilities to be hooked up, preferably less than one week before closing. This is crucial to maintaining stress levels.

Have the closing date postponed to an undetermined time in the distant or not so distant future. Go to morning services on what would have been closing day.

Make certain to turn off your cell phone during services. This is just common sense not to mention common courtesy, but you also want to make certain you are totally unreachable in case the mortage company wants to spring a surprise closing on you THAT DAY.

Skip afternoon services in order to spend three and a half hours signing papers.

Tell seller not to worry about showing up before the end of banking hours. As it turns out, title companies are more than happy to stay open hours late, perhaps due to the current economy. Make sure the seller (who is having all types of simlar fun at his own closing) knows there is no rush to get there before the place closes and the contract has past its date.

Find out at 8:00 at night that the seller just signed and the house is yours.

Yeah. Forget all that. Actually, just pick out a house and see if your boyfriend will buy it. By the way, did I mention I'm moving?


  1. Well, congratulations on the big move, anyway.

  2. Wow, that sounds so frustrating! I'm glad that everything all worked out. Enjoy your new home!

  3. Taking notes...

    On a serious note isn't this a good time to buy a house there with the prices being affordable. You know the whole buy on the down sell on the up thing.

  4. Congrats! It wouldn't be fun without a little drama...right?

  5. Wow!! Congratulations! I think buying a house is probably the most stressful thing I've ever done. I'm not sure why, but I feel like childbirth was a cinch in comparison.

    I can't wait to hear more about your new home and see some pics. The kids must be thrilled!

  6. Congrats! If you and the guy who knows a song about a chicken can get through buying a house, right after a Hurricane with the economy in a panic you can survive anything.

  7. You are so funny!!!
    Sorry about the stress but congrats on the move!

  8. Cool. If it helps, everyone has a hectic, stressful closing day. Apart from normal people, but who cares about them?

  9. Thanks Christine & Muirwoodsue!

    SJ - Yeah, here's hoping that's how it worked out in our case!

    Carey - Right. As Ms.Q would say, "Nail in the eye fun!"

    Ingrid - Yeah, I didn't have such a big problem with childbirth. I was a totally miserable pregnant person and had all kinds of postpartum depression, but the actual childbirth part wasn't anywhere near as bad as the whole pregnancy thing. And the house buying process, well at least it was only a third as long as a pregnancy!

    Thanks Alf & Kerry!

    And thanks Cid!!!! I wonder if that's really true? If so, we should be all set. I panicked and he was a rock and that was about the extent of it. It didn't cause us any arguments or anything.

    People - I'm still not sure normal people exist. But I sometimes get them confused with boring people, so I'm not really sure. Still, good for them for not stressing out on closing day!!!!!! :-)

  10. Congratulations (I think?). Nothing like your own piece of ground!

  11. Thanks Eric! Yes, a piece of ground and a CEILING!!!! I love ceilings.

  12. Jill you're not supposed to be signing those papers on such a sacred day!! Shame!! LOL!

    And there is always someone who forgets to turn off their phone. One went off while the rabbi was giving the sermon.

  13. Ricardo - Does it help that it was actually The Guy Who Knows a Song About a Chicken who did the signing and not me?????

    (I actually went to the afternoon service with my kids while HE spent the entire afternoon signing - that's why I put in that last bit about just picking out a house!) :-0 :-0 :-0

  14. Ricardo - No, but I think he atoned the other day. :-)

  15. Ray that's all you can do my friend. LOL!

  16. Oops Ricardo - Ray in this case is actually me, Jill! I've been lacking internet for awhile & didn't notice that I was pre-signed in on the computer I was borrowing!!!

  17. Yippee! I'm reading on to see if this actually transpired and you really did move!!