Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I'm Scared of My Own Wedding

So...if you go, I hope you have a good time and all. But I might not be there because it's too frightening for me.*

Rumor has it that weddings are scary because of the whole commitment thing. But as we all know, it's not the commitment that's scary. It's the invitations.

Well, that's not exactly right. Invitations in and of themselves are only paper. I even like to make cards and stuff that look very similar to invitations, see?

I even made a convenient card about death (more commonly known as a "condolence card"):But hopefully I don't have to use it. Or I would hope that, except really The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken already used it.

So if I'm not scared of putting death on a pretty card, then you'd think a wedding card would be no big deal, right?

Right, because look, I already made a couple of congratulations for being married cards too:It turns out it's not the invitations themselves that are so scary, because those things can only give you a paper cut. It's how to send the invitations to the right people. "The right people" being, of course, the people that actually want to be there and/or who would be upset if they weren't there.

Oh, and also presents are also very, very scary. Because we already have three times more stuff than any five people need. But they told me at work that we can ask people to donate to charity instead. So that's way less scary. Sort of. I think.

Silly me, I thought getting married could be no big deal if I didn't buy a fancy dress. But it will be okay. As I understand it, we still get to end up married no matter how many different ways we screw up and make people mad. Sort of. I think. I hope.

*I'm KIDDING! I'm totally going to be there.


  1. My train of thought a few minutes ago: presents! I like presents! Stuff! I like stuff! I especially like kitchen stuff! Go register at Williams-Sonoma!.........I walk downstairs to get some cereal...........Nevermind! We have no room! (but there's always room for more pie dishes :)

  2. Older Gal - The only thing scarier about this house than how big it is to clean is how much crap one could possibly accumulate within its walls!
    If you count the cast iron pan (which I DO since it's the only thing I like to make a pie in anyway), we already have one pie pan per person.
    Four out of the five of us could all bake a pie at the exact same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Adding another pie pan to this household would practicably be BEGGING and PLEADING for obesity! :-) :-) :-)

  3. hahahahahahah
    You have reminded me of a phone call we got from my friend headbang after we got married in a surprise wedding in our backyard! He said..."weddings are about invitations and table seating and auntie mabel refusing to sit with cousin susan.....weddings are about serviettes and chicken or have had INSUFFICIENT ANGST to be married!!!!!!!!"
    But seriously, glasses. You can never have enough glasses. People like me will always come around and break a few for you...
    PS: I didn't realise you were such a crafty CARD maker!!!! VERY impressive. I like the wedding one v much....

  4. Take it from a couple that has seen there share of matramony. The best wedding we ever had, was when we eloped in my exotic sports car, drove to Vegas, got married at the Excalibur dress up as a night and damsel then hoped back in the sports car and when tearing across the midwest to visit all the old haunts of our youth.

    It was so much better than a fancy dress, reception and cake......really.....think about it.

  5. I think a tasteful "in lieu of presents please donate to your charity of choice" is an awesome way to go.

  6. Arizaphale - Well I should have most of it covered then. I've got the angst. I just don't know what serviettes are. Although I manage to break PLENTY of glasses all by my lonesome. :-) Thanks on the cards!

    Bruce - I don't even like cake. I just like icing. So there 'ya go...

    Kristine - I think that's a GREAT idea! Except, as I understand it, the main place you would write something like that would be on an invitation.

  7. I was kind of hoping to go and not find you there. Now that you changed your mind by the use of an asterisk I won't go.

  8. We loved our Pagan wedding and seeing all our friends- we did it Renaissance style and our invitations were in scroll form and made with vellum and parchment.

    Nothing really scary happened, though my feet REALLY hurt by the end of the day!

  9. NO ELOPING!!!! I think you should just attach a poll to this blog and ask people to indicate whether or not they want to attend. Then you will have no guesswork!

  10. Ahahahaha. Well, if you can get thru the wedding, you can get thru the marriage, right?

    I had a love/hate relationship with my wedding plans. But that was nearly 30 years ago, so the pain of all the goof ups is fading. A tad.

    Now I tell daughter if she wants to get married that I'll just give her money to elope. So much less stress....

    (yeah, I kid).

  11. I love your cards! Love.

    I am the hugest fan of gift registries. Although forcing people to buy gifts off the registry is another thing altogether. I like the charity idea if you really don't need anything. Although be warned that people are still going to buy you some piece of crap present that you don't need or want. I swear this is because people just like to be difficult.

  12. SJ - Those asterisks always have to ruin it for everyone, don't they?!?!

    Loraine - Sounds like fun! Except for the hurt feet, of course.

    Maureen - Yeah, why does eloping get such a bad rap? I don't know if I agree on the whole getting through the wedding/getting through the marriage thing though. I had the whole storybook wedding before and I still ended up divorced. Making it through the wedding is no guarantee of anything, I'm pretty sure of that. :-0

    GOT IT BETH, Got it!!!!! I definitely understand that if we DO elope, you & Gregg are coming with us. :-)

    Too funny Alf!! I miss your blog, btw.

  13. So are you really going to make your invitations??? Wow! That would be preeeetty impressive!
    We were invited to a wedding last summer where guests could buy gifts thru Heifer International to send to impoverished countries around the world. I think we bought a flock of chickens (they were not blown dry!!!) or something like that. Felt good. They didn't need any Tupperware anyway. ;-)

  14. Janet - I've thought about it. I guess it just depends on how many are on the guest list. I dunno...
    Yeah, I hope all our guests buy chickens for an impoverished country. Although we ARE always running out of lids for the tupperware. KIDDING! We could cook full course meals for the next 20 years without ever adding a single thing to our kitchen. The chickens would be a much better use of money.

  15. Actually you should sell those invitations Jill, they are really nice. You did some nice work on them.

  16. Thanks Ricardo! I keep thinking about it, just haven't set aside the time.