Death by Entanglement | Do Try This at Home: Death by Entanglement

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Death by Entanglement

Please excuse my absence from Blogsville this week. I've been trying to figure out how to sell my soul to the devil so I can afford to send my kids to a private religious school. How do you do that anyway, just put it up on Ebay or something?

I'm KIDDING!!!!!! I mean, I'm sure my soul has some flaws and stuff, just like anyone's, but I'm more or less fond of it and don't have any immediate plans to put it up for sale. I do really want my kids to go to religious school though.

Also, LOOK! They sent me an STD!!!!!Ok, they sent me some medication via standard delivery. Still, I bet whoever designed this label had a good laugh.

And I saw a warning on the bottom of this guy, Thomas, who my boy used to call Tommit:I know, you can't actually read it. It says, "CAUTION: Entanglement possible. Keep away from hair."

Really?!?!?!? Entanglement?!?!?! That's the best they could do? Not, "CAUTION: Choking possible. Do not remove wheels." Or, "CAUTION: Intestinal tearing possible. Do not swallow magnet." I mean honestly, hair entanglement doesn't even involve dismemberment, much less death.

At any rate, the warning is too hard to read way down there at the bottom. The Older Gal didn't even see it. It should have been written right across poor ole' Tommit's face.

Because when I showed The Older Gal the warning she admitted she had been using Tommit to brush the cat. I'd have hated to be around if that caused any entanglement. After all, any entangling of my bipolar cat might actually cause death.

Now that I think about it, it takes a mighty brave person to try brushing my cat with ANYTHING. Maybe HER soul would get a better price than mine on ebay. After all, it's for a good cause. Besides who's to say the devil would get the highest bid?

I'm KIDDING!!!!!! But I might need to go put one of those evil eye bracelets or something on me and the older gal now. Also if you wouldn't mind spitting in our general direction over here as you read, I think that would help keep the devil away too.

Just, y'know, try and aim away from your computer keyboard. Thanks!


Christine said...

I kinda rented my soul to the local Catholic school for a while---truthfully, I didn't feel like I got much for it and I was grateful to have it back at the end.

DO NOT open the STD box. You do not want one. They are pernicious.

Unknown said...

Maybe the devil might think that preschool teachers are too evil to deal with?

Is there an emoticon for spitting? Imagine this is one. :P/

Rozette said...

STD...very funny. You know some kid stuck Tommit to his head while it was one and lost a bug chunk of hair, the parents sued and wahla... a warning is born.

Ro from Seabrook, TX

delmer said...

Two of our license tag prefixes for autos are: DUH and ANL.

The 12-year old inside me chuckles whenever I see one of these.

Jill said...

Yeah Christine I think I sold my soul when I worked in public school, or rented it or something. Whichever, it wasn't available to me at the time. I keep thinking maybe I could go back to work in public school so I could afford the private school, but then I worry that the kids would have this wonderful school experience during the day & then come home to this zombie instead of a mom.

SJ - In my experience grade school teachers are a little more evil. :-) :-) :-) Thanks for the spit!

Thanks Rozette, and I'm sure it had to have gone that way with the hair!

Funny Delmer! I've heard it's good to be in touch with your inner child that way. :-)

ALF said...

I wonder how many people got Tommit stuck in their hair before they put that warning on there.

Kristine said...

If you put the cat's soul on E-bay - can you do it 9 times?

Arizaphale said...

I avoided the soul selling thing by bullying her into getting a scholarship! Come to think of it the reduction isn't sufficient, I may go threaten someone else with a bit of hair ever know

A Free Man said...

Good luck with the religious school thing. Though do you think the devil would want your soul to send your kids to a religious school. I guess it would depend on the religion. Is it a Luciferian Brothers academy?

Jill said...

Alf - Yeah, I wonder that too. Like, was it just about every other kid that played with it, or just one kid whose parents had a lot of pull?

Kristine - That is SUCH a great idea!!!!!!!!!!!! My worries are over...except it's possible that the cat already sold his soul awhile back. He's sort of evil that way...

Arizaphale - Yeah, I'm going to try that too. :-)

A Free Man - I sort of wondered that too. But The Guy pointed out that it would be a pretty fair trade - two Orthodox kids for me and the older gal doesn't seem like a bad deal. And then if I throw in whichever of the cats' nine lives that he hasn't already sold...
KIDDING! (of course)

Unknown said...

Private schools cost you big bucks. But some are worth the heavy price tag.

Imagine if someone could send you herpes or the clap via standard mail. Scary.

Cheri said...

Ah...STD doesn't mean what you think it does anymore. The medical community has moved on to STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection). Why the switch? Who the he** knows. Why do _I_ know this? Just making clear everyone knows I am PART of said medical community, lol, and not that I have any PERSONAL awareness of these things;) (I'm a PA/physician assistant)

Janet said...

Too funny. Now every time I listen to NPR I'm going to think No Public Restrooms. I shall be watching my mail for STD's, too.


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