Tattooed Fish Don't Last Forever You Know | Do Try This at Home: Tattooed Fish Don't Last Forever You Know

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Tattooed Fish Don't Last Forever You Know

In turns out Houston has been snubbed yet again. You'd think that Houston, known for its many sex shops and strip clubs, would be a natural location for a billboard announcing the infidelity of the co-president of Oracle:

After all, we have not just strip shops, but entire PLAZAS devoted to what is commonly known as sleaze:For all that do we merit one lousy Oracle-guy billboard?

New York got one, of course. San Francisco got one too. That seems reasonable. But Atlanta and not Houston? I imagine that Houstonians are outraged!

Houston is no longer the home to this guy. I don't know if anyone remembers him from a previous post, but he's dead:We went to the restaurant where he formerly resided and noticed that he no longer swam around the tank declaring his undying love for the restaurant patrons.

"What happened to the tattooed fish?" The-Guy asked the hostess. She pointed up at the ceiling, indicating fishy heaven, and explained his demise.

Apparently a known suspect (and restaurant employee) had accidentally committed mass fish murder by returning the inhabitants directly back into their freshly cleaned tank.

The tattooed fish was the brainstorm of a "crazy cook", who according to the hostess, had whipped him out of the tank and into the kitchen, tattooed him with cooking utensils, and returned him to the tank.

Who even knows how the fish survived in the kitchen? And what about the plastic wrap that covers fresh tattoos? Had the fish been afforded that luxury?

Unfortunately the hostess's English was such that we were left to our own interpretations to a certain extent. And even more unfortunately, the "crazy cook" moved on years ago so that tattooing one of the replacement fish seems unlikely.

That's the news from the greater Houston area, home to one less tattooed fish and not one stinking Oracle billboard. At least we still have The Colorado and of course the oldest and largest Art Car Parade. And the cockroaches. And the occasional hurricane. We've got a lot going for us.

The Colorado


Tracy said...

Are you serious the cook tattooed the fish.

LOL Ok its not funny hahaha

Unknown said...

OK you may have a sleaze plaza but y'all named it after another state. I think that's bad billboard karma.

Christine said...

Does he also do lip piercing? I think that would go over really well at Red Lobster.

Kerry McKibbins said...

Packing my bags - I am moving to Houston!

Heidi said...

Heh! Loved the fish. And your writing style. Fun read. Glad I found you!

Pam said...

ROTFLMBO. Great post. Poor fishie.

Jill said...

Tracy - Didn't he do a nice job? :-)

SJ - That must be it. Drat!

Christine - Good idea!

Kerry - Oh good!!!!! :-)

Thanks Heidi and Empty Envelope!

Bruce Johnson said...

I had never heard of this whole Wilkins / Phillips fiasco until I read this. Quite funny. And we don't have sleaze shops here in Phoenix. They have gone upscale and are called 'Adult Boutiques', where consenting adults can go and shop for adult toys. All the porno and sleaze in this town is downloaded off the internet.

Jill said...

Bruce - See?!?!?! We should have merited a billboard. 'Cause Houston doesn't have to resort to the internet - we grow our own. I'm glad I was able to spread the word about the fiasco, at any rate. :-)

Unknown said...

There were several of those Oracle billboards up in NYC. I mean I understand the woman was scorned but she really came off looking bad in this. How much money did this woman waste? She could have done a blog like you and I for free :-)

Jill said...

Ricardo - Can you imagine how angry she must have been to waste that much money?!?!!?!?!?


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