Got Power? | Do Try This at Home: Got Power?

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Got Power?

In Houston, "Do you have power?" has totally and completely replaced the formerly common, "How have you been?"

Sometimes it's shortened to, "Do you have it?" or even, "Are you with or without?" To which I answered today, "I am with electricity. I am without a phone or ceiling."

And ALL of Houston is without safe driving conditions. Most traffic lights in my neighborhood are still out (9/25 - 12 days in, Stella Link at South Braeswood):And the piles of debris are taller than most cars, leaving little in the way of visibility at many intersections.

I remind my gal constantly that she absolutely CAN NOT jaywalk under these conditions and yet I still breath a sigh of relief each day upon learning that she has not been squished flat like a bug.

We are getting back on track though! I start back to work on Monday, the school having regained power yesterday. In the meantime, I amused myself by pondering my recent Google searches***:

"who is the lactating prostitute children of men"
I give up. Who?

"male tampon training"
I've been known to give tutorials to strangers on how to buy them. I didn't know males needed actual training though.

"bloody veins in teeth"
Let's hope this person took a peek around and left, shall we?

"what part of your brain vomiting"
I had no idea your brain could even vomit. I've honestly have thought, maybe not my ENTIRE life, but at least since fourth grade, that it is the digestive system that does all the vomiting.

"raising upstanding citizens"
I'm all about that! No really...

"men who love lactating women pictures"
Because it takes all kinds, after all.

"toilet licking pictures"
Sorry, I didn't have actual pictures, just empirical information on the impossibility of suicide by licking the toilet in the men's room at Lola's. Try the women's room. It's dirtier.

"you're taller and cuter than the average girl"
I'm not actually all that tall, but thanks anyway!

"why do lion tamers use a chair to tame lions?"
I've heard that the four equal length legs confuse them because they're used to seeing legs all running away with one or more lifted up as the run. *shrug shrug* Sounds not totally unreasonable.

"playmobil prostitutes"
'Cause who doesn't want to give children a toy that encourages reenacting the worlds oldest profession? If Playmobil does start up this line, maybe they'll mail them to the Bloggess to go with her angry cross dressing Legos.

Anyway, congrats to those who got electricity back yesterday and Thursday!!! In a city that is still getting near 90 degrees three days short of October, I'd much rather have air conditioning than a ceiling!!!!!!

***My mom...I mean my editor would like me to add an explanation here that these are gooogle searches by random strangers, the results of which landed the strangers on this website. Sitemeter collects the searches for me using some mysterious method that may or may not have to do with cookies, chocolate chip or otherwise.


delmer said...

I thought you looked very tall in the picture you posted the other day. The one with the shuttlecock ...

Lara Neves said...

But doesn't the lack of a ceiling make all your air conditioning blow away?

You have the best google searches ever. I haven't looked at mine in a while, but I doubt they're that good. Thanks for the laugh!

Jill said...

Thanks Delmer! Well I'm like 5' 2", so I don't think that counts as tall. But I'll take it as a compliment anyway! :-)

Lara - amazingly the air conditioning in my apartment doesn't seem to mind cooling all of the great outdoors. There isn't a ceiling, but there is a roof. So the space between the roof and the walls is the only place where the air gets out.

Lily said...

rofl at google searches. I get some pretty funkyones also but yours take the cake

Unknown said...

I envy you your Google searches.

We don't need a storm to give us unsafe driving conditions over here.

Jill said...

Thanks Lily & SJ!!!

So you have lousy driving conditions on a regular basis over there SJ? Sounds like a blog post to me...

Kerry McKibbins said...

and I thought I'd read everything on the internet.....

ALF said...

I am glad to hear you are with electricity and hope that you are with ceiling soon.

Bruce Johnson said...

I wish I had a Playmobile Prostitute when I was growing up. All I got was a G.I. Joe. Instead of learning how to make love, I only learned how to make war.

Anonymous said...

So all those google searches lead to your site? Hilarious!

Jill said...

Kerry - I hate to even think about how much I haven't read about on the internet! I'm pretty sure there's a lot out there I don't even want to know...

Thanks Alf! It turns out I may move before they get the ceiling back on. They're taking a third shot at repairing my phone tomorrow.

Funny Lotus!!!! If Playmobil DOES come out with prostitutes, I hope they come to you for marketing advice. :-)

Thanks Noelia!

Janet said...

See, I am SOOOO sadly behind in reading your posts that I missed all the latest Google searches. I'm gonna check sitemeter and see what mine are, although I'm sure they're not on the level of yours!!! lol


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