The House of the Rotting Veggies | Do Try This at Home: The House of the Rotting Veggies

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The House of the Rotting Veggies

This is what lunch break is like at my work at the small animal clinic. I don't really work at a small animal clinic though. I just stole that from this blog because it's always best not to talk about work on a blog. And because NO ONE that reads this blog has any idea what I do for a living. And because this blog is totally anonymous.

So I was done with my lunch and about to get back to work when a person who may or may not be a coworker calls me over to the far corner of the break room and says, "What would be the opposite of, you know, that area?" (makes motions using both hands around the top of her jeans). Seeing the total confusion on my face, she repeated, "You know? Virginia!?!?"

I didn't even know a vagina had an opposite. I thought opposites lived in the realm of adjectives, not nouns. The confusion must have shown on my face because the coworker says, staring intently at her cell phone, "Wouldn't your butt be more the opposite of your vagina, not your back?"

I still can't figure out why either one of those would be the opposite of a vagina and offered up the possibility that perhaps it would be the top of one's head. She gave me an exasperated look at my lack of ability to decide between the butt and the back and returned to texting away on her phone.

Other coworkers continued their chit chat about low salt recipes, seemingly oblivious to our conversation. I realized my break time had run out and rushed away without ever finding out why a vagina needs an opposite.

That's the great thing about my work. It's hilarious and mysterious. I'd list the not so great things, but I was totally kidding about this blog being anonymous and then I'd have to be fired. Probably.

At home, The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken's productive hobby is trucking right along. Veggies and leaves and stuff are rotting even now in them thar' compost bins. And we got dirt for the garden.

Here's the dirt going into the truck:And here's the dirt coming out of the truck:What can I say? He has a funny way of getting dirt out of a truck (*shrug shrug*). I'm not kidding - drilling is EXACTLY what he started doing when he said it was time to get the dirt out of the truck. No joke. Of course there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, but describing it would be akin to asking my coworker why a vagina needs an opposite.

15 comments:

moxievanilla said...

I'm honored to be cited. :)
And I heard about that Texas "cold spell", something about temps in the 50s and a need for a jacket, brrrr....

SJ said...

Since vaginas have monologues not dialogues they don't need company or opposites.

LOL@ at the realm of adjectives.

Linnao said...

LOL, great post

Christine said...

Vaginas do indeed have opposites. To keep this all anonymous for you, the opposite of Virginia is Florida.

Kerry McKibbins said...

You are so freakin' funny.

Janet said...

Great post!

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

MV - Hey it's supposed to get down to 31 degrees down here!!!!! Okay, so that's the low and it will be the middle of the night when we don't have to go out in it but still...that's cold to people whose wardrobes are geared to endure hundred degree summers. :-) :-) :-) :-)

SJ - Good point. :-)

Thanks Linnao!

Oh good Christine! I'll make sure and tell her on Monday! :-) :-) :-)

Thanks Kerry & Janet!

Noelia said...

I'm curious to know what the opposite of vagina was??I'll be checking for an update haha! Hey Happy New Year :)

Anonymous said...

Let me just say that the smile on my girlfriend's face when I whip out my....electric drill is worth the delay in unloading dirt. Why is it some women love guys with tools?

Kristine said...

I'm with Christine, but I like her code for it better than what Iw ould have said.

ALF said...

Isn't a penis the opposite of a vagina?

A Free Man said...

Wouldn't the opposite of a 'Virginia' be a 'Florida'. You know - the male version...

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Noelia - Well, as I've been told, the opposite of a vagina is Florida. :-0

Anonymous - It's really, really simple actually. Guys look hot with power tools. *shrug shrug* I think it's sort of like all women are attracted to a guy with a guitar.

Actually, the tools thing might be a personal opinion but the guitar thing I'm sure is more universal. I once took a survey of scrapbookers and something like 90% said they're attracted to a man with a guitar. If you want I could do a similar survey of crafty white women who have internet access on whether or not tools make a guy more attractive. :-)

Kristine - Oh thanks!!!! I didn't completely get Christine's comment until you said that. My coworker is always trying to get my mind more firmly planted in the gutter, but sometimes I just have to have things spelled out.

Oh another good one Alf! :-) I think I wondered at some point if that one hadn't occurred to her.

A Free Man - Yeah, it seems that's a fairly unanimous opinion around here. :-)

moxievanilla said...

Hi again,

I tagged you in (with?) a meme; I hope you don't mind. I think you would be great at it and look forward to what your post...

MV

Arizaphale said...

Electric power tools are just Florida Symbols. Like guitars.

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