Wednesday, June 26, 2013

How to be a Toddler - An Instruction Manual with Illustrations (Brought to you by a Real Baby)

Take apart lamps in restaurants.

Don't bother taking apart the ones at home. You can just break those.

Eat all this stuff. It doesn't have to be all at once. But a wide variety is a good thing.

Don't even worry about choking. Your mama will take it out of your mouth. Try and get a game of "chase" out of her first though.

Eat blackberries directly off the bush.

Even if they're not at all ripe.

And don't taste exactly right.

Pick the stuffing out of your changing mat where it has split. Supplement your diet of things you found on the floor with this delicacy on a daily or even hourly basis.

Lower yourself into the pool in the deep end while mama is looking at you through the viewfinder of the camera.

Again, don't worry about personal safety. Your mama will rescue you. Right after she snaps the picture.

If she puts you in the shallow part though, ask to get out right away.

But still be upset if mama asks daddy to rinse you with the hose just because you're done.

Eat the thingies that lower the blinds.

And lip stick. And diaper cream. And small change. But most of all books. Magazines too. Look at them for awhile first though, so the adults around you will get confused and think that you're past that stage.

Last but not least, if sucking on the soles of shoes has ceased to alarm your parents because you partake of the delicacy so often, try making a mad dash for the sharpest knives every time they open the dishwasher.

It's especially effective if you immediately run your bounty across your lips just after you've seized it and before they can catch you.

I have a bunch of other fun activities too, but that's about it for this public service announcement. Brought to you by your friendly innocent looking thirteen month old:

Friday, June 14, 2013

A JC Penny Ad and Some Knowledge The Boogaloo Has Gathered in Her One Year and One Month Here on the Planet

Part of me thinks, "Advertising fail. I will never smile while because of using a whisk broom." On the other hand, part of me thinks, "It would probably be better for my mental health and general well being if I at least gave smiling while using a whisk brook a shot."

Newest favorite activity for The Boogaloo: taking off the door to the filter for the washing machine. As you can see, we're slightly concerned about the fact that it won't go back on as easily as it comes off, but that's okay. We'll just throw it in the cat litter as usual.

It's incredible how much they learn the first year. I'd like to replace the milestones listed in the Boogaloo's baby book with others that are more pertinent to what she's actually learned and accomplished:

Making a noise as if you are struggling greatly to do a task which is beyond your abilities while miming the activity increases the chance that someone will help you reach your goal.

It's never a good idea to stand right next to the hose while someone is turning it on.

A sense of urgency can be conveyed without words.

Everything is urgent.

Waving and blowing kisses gets positive attention from almost everyone.

Torturing the cat is a never ending source of amusement, as are splashing in the toilet and unrolling the toilet paper roll.

Pretending to be obedient and then running away at the last moment is even MORE amusing, as is hiding when you know people are looking for you.

Sign language for "done" is all well and good, but deliberately tossing pieces of food onto the floor while maintaining eye contact with the nearest adult is a much faster way to gain freedom from the high chair.

And perhaps most importantly -

You can probably get away with it if you look like this:

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Just in Case Anyone Forgot There Were Other People Living Here Besides the Baby

I realize the baby has been usurping blog space for her entire 12 months of life, but surprise! The rest of the family still exists! For example, there's this one:

This kid still lives here, much to his enjoyment.

Can't you see how excited he is?

Ok so maybe not...but I can still make him laugh -


Plus, The Sweet Pea is even a high school graduate!

And this kid continues to make as much trouble as she possibly can!

Happy week everyone!


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