Those Girl Scout People Are Trying to Kill Me | Do Try This at Home: Those Girl Scout People Are Trying to Kill Me

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Those Girl Scout People Are Trying to Kill Me

I was happy to see these for sale at Target the other day, because I noticed they're 100% non toxic, as opposed to all the other teddy bears they sell there, which they like to coat in pesticides.

I'm KIDDING! But only partly kidding, since they've discovered that most of the toys my gal teethed on 13 years ago were full of phthalates and all kinds of other poisons.

I don't think they use poisonous plastics on baby teethers anymore. They just save all the bad stuff for the formula now-a-days. Better to go directly into the digestive system than having to worry about absorbing small amounts through the skin or mouth, right?

And speaking of ingesting bad stuff, I'm pretty sure The Girl Scouts are trying to kill us. Every year six or seven SEEMINGLY innocent girl scouts guilt me into buying a box of sugar and fat and food color.

It's very confusing because it says right on the box of cookies, "The Girl Scout Cookie Program is good for your community!" Except...last time I checked sugar and partially hydrogenated palm kernal oil (not to mention red #40 lake, yellow #5 lake, blue #1 lake, and blue #2 lake) were NOT good for my community.

But what the heck do I know. I never was a girl scout. I pass this sign all the time on my way to school though:You know, as much as I dislike being ordered around by signs, I did TRY to sign up for Boy Scouts. But I was 11 at the time. Because my neighborhood didn't have a girl scout troupe. So, of course, my friend and I tried out for boy scouts. But apparently they aren't interested in girls.

That's why that sign really should specify exactly WHO it's trying to order around. "Join Cub Scouts! NOW! And I mean it! Unless you're a female...or gay..." Or are they letting in the gay people now?

Either way, I missed out on the whole sugar and partially hydrogenated oil pushing experience as a child, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

Just in case you hate me for life now: I understand scouting is a fine organization except for the discriminating against gay people thing, and I respect them for teaching children everywhere how to go camping. But I'm still resentful about having to buy the cookies and being ordered around by yard signs.

19 comments:

Rachel said...

hahahaha- I totally love what you wrote about the Cub Scouts and you are SO RIGHT!!! It does not say you have to be a boy on the sign! I wouldn't have given up so easily! And FWIW- I have 3 boys that will NEVER be Boy Scouts because they are homophobic and that is not a value I want to teach my boys.... they need to grow up loving EVERYONE!!!
Funny post... thanks for the chuckle!
Rachel

Jeff said...

Maybe the toxic toy companies could just team up with the Girl Scouts and start making toxic cookies, not that enough thin mints won't kill you. From what I understand, it's like Mentos in a bottle of Diet Coke when those things hit your stomach. I swear I saw that on Snopes.

SJ said...

So you what you are saying is that the scouts are a camp organization that is homophobic ?

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Thanks Rachel! They should really correct that on sign, shouldn't they?

Jeff - Wait but the cookies ARE toxic, aren't they? I'm pretty sure that partially hydrogenated stuff and the food color just kills you off a little more slowly than the phthalates. I had no idea about the thin mints though. And The-Guy ordered some of those. He should probably just keep that stuff at work...

SJ - No! I'm saying they're a homophobic camp organization that's trying to KILL ME with partially hydrogenated fats and using cute little girls to do it!!! :-0 :-0 :-0

Christine said...

I signed my oldest boy up for boy scouts when he was little.

I tried really hard to like them and support them in all their efforts.

But the day they tried to teach the boys that girls are "icky" was the day I walked out with him.

In all the years I was involved with Girl Scouts, we never were told that boys were gross and something to avoid. I can't see why the boy scouts can't figure out how to be pro-boy without being anti-girl.

A Free Man said...

I dropped out of the boy scouts at about 11 or so, it was all a bit earnest for the burgeoning cynic in me. And depending on where Girl Scout cookies are made they may already be toxic. I mean you guys have got all those salmonella laden peanuts over there these days.

Lara said...

I ordered girl scout cookies last year. The girl had like a thousand orders on her list already. Talk about the best girl scout ever.

Except she never brought me my cookies. Maybe she died from the exposure first. Anyhow, I suppose I'm grateful.

Kristine said...

For what it's worth, the Girl Scouts are not homophobic, just the boy scouts are, they are two VERY separate organizations.

Also, what the girls actually want from you when you buy cookies? Is the $0.50 or so they earn per box (towards troop funds, it's not like each girl is getting anything), so if you wanted to support them, but didn't want the cookies, you could just give them money.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Christine - Now that's just bizarre! I wonder why on earth they would bother? I mean, my own boy didn't need any help figuring out that girls were icky...

Free Man - Somehow, that's not a great surprise. :-)

Lara - You lucked out! Because, you know, no matter how horrible they are for me, once they're inside the house I HAVE to eat them. I don't know why.

Kristine - I'm going to have to try the donating thing. I wondered about that. I also had wondered about the girl scouts and homophobia. I mean, you really only hear about boy scouts discriminating, so I was thinking that either the girl scouts let the lesbians in, or they're way more discreet. It's good to know it's the former. :-)

Kerry McKibbins said...

omg, you are so freakin' funny!

DJ Kirkby said...

OMG! you make me laugh so much!!!! xo

Thalassa said...

I'm picking nits here: one of your food colors is blue #1 latke. Frankly, if I ever met a blue latke, I'd run the other way. :P

Stay away from the cookies. That leaves more for me.

I've proofed this comment about 10 times to make sure I'm not leaving in a typo while I pick on you about yours. Grammar Nazi? Yes. Hypocrite? No.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Thanks DJ Kirkby & Kerry!!!!!!

Thalassa - Oops! Yeah...I'm pretty much against blue food in general, but a blue latke HAS to be bad for you! Thanks for catching that - my
mom usually picks up on my mistakes eventually, but my posts are usually up a good long while before she takes a look at them. Off to edit..

John said...

rotflmao

It's a boy thing, ya wouldn't understand. lol

Chalk it up to girls maturing quicker than boys, that's why we're able to say at earlier ages girls are icky.

Agree with 'em, you're danged. Disagree, you're danged more. hehehehe

Bruce said...

I assume that the Cub Scouts also follow the don't ask don't tell policy of the military...I mean Christ sake....aren't these like 8 to 11 year olds? And they already know they are Gay?

Janet said...

Oh, the cookie thing...I don't even want to think about how many thin mints I have eaten in my lifetime...

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

John - Yeah, I guess that must be it. :-)

Bruce - I think they're more concerned with the grown up boy scouts than the eight year olds. Especially the grown up boy scouts who supervise the eight year olds. But maybe they're concerned about the eight year olds too...who knows?!?! Oh wait, it sounds like maybe JohnC knows. :-)

Janet - Can I give my box then when it gets here?!?! ;-) :-)

Maureen said...

Thank goodness we don't have many scouts around here anymore... I mean, I used to be a Girl Scout but it has been ages since they've been by with the evil cookies. Which is a good thing. At least for ME. ;)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Maureen - Maybe you should have some of mine! I think we have a couple million boxes around here somewhere... :-)

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