The cat ate my internets...(update on lack of updates)

I haven't posted in awhile OR been able to read or comment on anyone's blog, not for lack of fascinating things to say (that never stopped me before, after all) but because I've had no internet access.

Somewhere around here I've got an unpublished blog post on the joys of speaking to tech support (or lack thereof). But in this particular case it happens that my dad and the-guy-who-knows-a-song-about-a-chicken get the credit for spending hours on end rebooting everything, unplugging and replugging everything and reassuring one tech support person after another that the internet is not, in fact, hooked up to the toaster oven instead of the phone line.

It seems like I'd have learned the the answer to this one during the year or two I answered an 800 number: why does customer service ALWAYS ask at the painfully obvious end of a seemingly endless phone call if there’s something else they can do to help?

In a similar vein, why does Triple A bother ending phone calls with “Have a nice day!”? If a nice day were in the cards, would a call to AAA really be necessary? I for one am having a rotten day just by virtue of having had to make the phone call to them.

In any case, the endless phone calls to tech support ended in the inevitable visit from a technician, and so I appear to be back in business!

Many thanks to everyone involved in this victory, especially whoever it was who decided that I might get faster service if the DSL line wasn't connected directly to the toaster oven...

Also, apologies to Nimue and Sugar, who did not really eat the internets. They mainly like to confine their diet to tampons and hair squishies (that would be as opposed to hair bands like Ratt, Poison, or Ratt Poison).

Kiss what?!? Kisey what?!?

Ok, so our school PAYS for us to go to workshops on "Kisey Koochy." For real. Look, this is copied directly from the materials:
I have NO IDEA what Kisey Koochie actually is, but, y'know...I could venture a guess. I'd like to think I know what kissing is. I mean, I may not be the world's leading expert or anything, but I've heard of it (*shrug shrug*).

As for Koochy, I don't know if this is common elsewhere in the English speaking world, but The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken uses the word interchangeably with "bukeylukey", "va-jay-jay" and "hoo-ha."

OKAY! So I'm the one who uses "bukeylukey" and I only offered him "hoo-ha" as an alternative word. I've never heard him use "vah-jay-jay" in conversation. I just stuck that in there for reference.

But vocabulary lessons are not the point. The point is, my school actually sent teachers to a workshop that included learning about "Kisey Koochy," whatever that may be.

Unfortunately, I did not attend the Kisey Koochie workshop and only looked over the materials later in the day. So I never found out EXACTLY what Kisey Koochie entails and the two teachers who attended apparently were only paying attention to whatever it was they were supposed to be paying attention to. I've gotta make sure my friends are paying closer attention to life's absurdities...

Meanwhile, I hate to think what kind of google searches I'm going to be getting now. Welcome all you perverts!! I'd tell you to pull up a chair, but you probably didn't find what you expected anyway...

I should probably just drive a U-Haul

The-guy-who-knows-a-song-about-a-chicken once called my car "an extension of my purse". I guess he's right in that it's a place to keep a bunch of useful stuff and that it generally goes where I go.

I finally got distracted enough by all the receipts, headless superheros, hair bands, legos, magnetic monkeys, library books, television instruction manuals, and the like to clean my little car out today.

I did it as I clean most things, on a whim while I was supposed to be doing something else...because I didn't know where else to look for my brain...

Here are a few of the things I took out:
I left two pair of scissors in the car but brought one pair into the house.

I tossed out 4 tubes of lip gloss (sorry sweetie - they were gross)

I removed a pair of sneakers and left one pair.

I threw away three keys. This is why I lose things. I really only think I've lost them when what really happen is that I tossed them out and forgot.

I left the game of Cranium Cadoo, a beach blanket, a badmitton set, and a baseball bat. You never know when you might need those.

I removed a roll of scotch tape, 14 picture books, and my rolling pin (So THAT'S where that thing went!).

I removed three umbrellas, but left one.

I removed 21 pens and pencils. I tossed out another 9 that had seen better days. But I left 16 in the car, because it's hard to write and drive at the same time if you don't have easy access to a pen or pencil.

I also fixed my own car stereo while I was driving. Ok, so I was the one who broke it in the first place. I was trying to cut off my non-working CD changer with one of the pair of the scissors I left in the car when suddenly the formerly working stereo gave up mid-song.

I thought for certain I was destined to go see the Venezuelan guy up the road who ALWAYS fixes my stereo each and every time I cut through some of the wires with a pair of safety scissors, but it turns out that once I fooled around with all these wires a little bit - I was able to find two that seemed loose. It turned out I hadn't cut through anything of any great importance with the safety scissors after all. Of course it looks better than that now that I shoved the wires back behind the plate and cleaned the leaves and pine needle pieces out the little tray.

I can't do gift wrapping in my car anymore without supplies from the house, but I'm enjoying that fresh clean car feeling...for another 20 minutes until the kids get home.

Meanwhile, here's a picture of some men lifting a lawn mower onto the roof of a nearby school. When I first went for my camera, it just looked like they were interested in dangling a lawn mower in the air. But they ended up putting it on the school roof, so I guess they're going to mow up there.

Just to Clear Things Up

As talented as that cat 'o mine is, he did NOT send flowers! The photo shows him merely inspecting them to make sure they are of a certain quality (they are). It's the-guy-who-knows-a-song-about-a-chicken who sent the flowers!

The cat is very talented at weighing himself and imitating a water bottle. He also has incredible aim when it comes to tossing various objects into the toilet. But as of yet he has no access to a credit card and has not ordered me any flowers.

This photo is just to prove that as ugly as Houston is, it still has its moments (I mean besides the fact that it's 63 degrees out at 10:00 at night in February). I took this while driving to work the other day. I should have stopped the car, I imagine, so it wouldn't have come out so crooked:

So anyway, one more happy Valentine's day and remember, don't give your cat access to your credit card! It's sure fire trouble if you do!