Ebony Hutchinson Doesn't Live Here | Do Try This at Home: Ebony Hutchinson Doesn't Live Here

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ebony Hutchinson Doesn't Live Here

I'm trying to tell as many people as possible, because apparently every third person in the United States is looking for Ebony Hutchinson and they're ALL looking at our house. And they don't mind calling at four thirty in the morning to find out where she is either!

So that's why our outgoing phone message now says something along the lines of, "Ebony Hutchinson doesn't live here. Don't call here any more. If you are looking for (list of names of people who actually live here), please leave a message."

Anyway, if you know ole' Ebony, maybe you can let her know she's got some things she needs to take care of?

Aside from a family member being apparently missing (Ebony MUST live with us! She gets so many phone calls!) the new place has been fantastic.

I learned the same thing I always learn when I move - I own way more crap than any human should. Who'd'a thunk this much crap could fit in a two bedroom apartment?I always start packing with all sorts of motivation, labeling two sides of each box just to make sure the labeled side isn't turned toward the wall. They start out quite exact, "stationary, school supplies, stapler, hole punch." But I can only keep it up so long:
Still not so bad. I can kind of tell what's in there. Later on I had to resort to this:At least I knew it was bound for the kitchen. But finally, you know, I had to get even more general. Because who has time for all that?The crazy thing is, I probably drop stuff off at Salvation Army once every month or two and the crap STILL creeps in at an alarming rate.

So the moral of the story is...I'm not sure what the moral of the story is. The crap that follows you into your house on a daily basis is relentless and insidious? The peeps looking for Ebony Hutchinson are definitely relentless and quite possibly insidious? Jill has nothing better to do than post pictures of her own moving boxes to the internet? Oh well. At least the movers had a little laugh.

19 comments:

A Free Man said...

A sure fire method for getting rid of that excess is moving overseas. When you have to pay by weight to ship things you can be a lot more ruthless!

Christine said...

I bet Ebony Hutchinson is in one of your boxes. Punch air holes in there just to be sure.

Janet said...

Hey, you must have some of my crap! Or I have some of your crap! Your crap looks like my crap! lol

Kristine said...

When I moved to the house before my current house 6 years ago I had a box I never unpacked. I still have it in my closet today - 7 years and another house move later. I bet there's quite a bit of treasure in there.

Also, I still get calls for Avery Construction - 7 years later. So good luck with that.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

A Free Man - Yeah, I've had a couple Israeli kids in my classes whose parents have described to me the agonies of moving overseas. I can't even imagine! I keep thinking I'd just have to get all new stuff. But who the heck can part with stuff your kid made you and you actually use? Seems like it would be a lot easier to be ruthless on other stuff though.

FUNNY Christine! I think she IS in a box around here somewhere!

Janet - I must have some of your crap! 'Cause I'm certain I couldn't possibly own this much crap!

Kristine - You know, I always imagine just shutting my eyes, holding my breath & dropping a box like that at Salvation Army or Goodwill without ever looking inside. But I've never been able to do it. And SEVEN YEARS?!?!? Sheesh.

SJ said...

Isn't it obvious? It's all Ms Hutchinson's crap!

Long back my parents used to get a call for a guru and his ashram.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Yeah SHAME on Ebony for leaving all that crap around here!!!!! A guru, huh? I'll bet those were more interesting than Ebony's calls. Many of hers are recorded, so I'm not sure the outgoing message will do much good.

Bruce said...

Congratulations, your pack-rat ways are just what keeps this consumer economy going, keep up the good work, if we all saved our money and shopped responsibly for only the things we needed, we would be just like.......Norway or something.

(and Norway ain't got no Stealth Bombers or MX missles.....wimps)

My guess, is that Ebony skipped town without paying her crack dealer the back rent....if you know what I mean.

Maureen said...

Hahahahaha!!! LOVE the box labelling. I too label two sides and the tops of boxes (which I have a kajillion of) so I can be sure to read them.

Man, my daughter is going to hate moving to her own place when she grows up; I have enough boxes of her stuff that will fill up her house!

Ms. Q said...

Boy. You do have a lotta crap and I know you're not much into stuff but it does seem to uh, accumulate and gather 'round. Is that all your crap or did Razor try to sneak some of his stuff in there to make himself look better (!! just teasing!!)

I feel like I have a lotta crap myself, especially as I am now putting stuff into my storage cage. I kinda wanted to not have to use the storage but heck, I paid for it so why keep my luggage in my closet?

When I packed I also labeled on a coupla sides but I didn't go too crazy with the contents - at least not on the box itself. I uh (I'm pretty organized..) numbered each box and what room it went to but then I kept Word doc that listed each box contents. Writing on boxes takes too long and being able to type 'em up - much easier.

I guess I'm a freak because my move took 4 hours and I unpacked in a week. The packing was another story! I'm pretty sure I have way more crap now though. It's a battle!

Ms. Q said...

What a name..Ebony Hutchinson!

and I keep getting calls for some electric company. Not constantly but enough to realize that there are some customers out there with old listings!

Kerry McKibbins said...

Love the box comments.
The last time we moved, we numbered the boxes and had a list with the numbers and what was in each box.
You know we lost that damn list, right?

Oh, and tell Ebony she owes me $5.

ALF said...

I'm with you. I don't know where all the crap comes from.

Ricardo said...

OK I had a similar thing happen to me when I switched phone numbes. I was constantly getting calls for a guy named Aristotle Nastashiakolios!!

It was SO annoying!! Calling at all times as well.


Is it not amazing how much stuff accumulates over time. Even if you're not hoarding things, it just piles up.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Bruce - I started the Hanukah shopping today, so the economy ought to be well on its way out of the toilet! Just want to do my part & all...

Maureen - You mean you're pre-pack(ratting) for her?!?!?! That's so nice of you!!!!!!!!!

Ms.Q - Razor had just as much stuff as I did, can you imagine? It's a good thing this is a HUGE house!

Four hours is what it took me to move INTO my apartment three years ago. Is that freakishly long or freakishly short? 'Cause I felt like our move into this house took FOREVER and a HALF (it was like 10 hours) and I thought the movers were slow as molasses going uphill in a snowstorm. But the more people I talked to, the more the time seemed semi-reasonable.

Kerry - That's just what I would have done, guaranteed. And I'll let Ebony know!

Alf - Ebony Hutchinson is leaving crap at your place too?!?!?! That's how SJ said all that crap got to my place, at least, and I think he has a point...

Wowza Ricardo! I guess that was a mouthful! At least they had to work hard as they annoyed you. :-)

delmer said...

I keep getting calls for a guy who has some very important business to take care of with several different companies -- it appears he owes them money.

My outgoing message makes no mention of him ... yet people, and not just robocalls, keep leaving him voice mail.

Maybe he and Ebony eloped and forgot to leave a forwarding number.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Oh! Well then that would explain why she left so much crap at my place!!! They probably had doubles of practically everything, combining two households and all! :-)

Ms. Q said...

Razor has just as much stuff? Dang. In size or sheer numbers? I mean, he has all these bulky power tools, right? The hatchet, probably a chainsaw, orbital sander, things like that? Probably a table saw..

Or is that 'just' the garage stuff and the house stuff is a lot?

It took you 4 hours to move into your apartment? That's probably about right. Took me that long to move into my one-bedroom and it wasn't all that far away! But it takes a lotta trips to the truck and back and then wrapping up the nicer furniture in blankets. So..4 hours for a one bedroom is probably just on target.

Just the thought of 10 hours to move..I'm thinking I gotta get rid of some stuff...

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

A lot of his was the garage stuff. And he had a pretty full kitchen too. We moved five people into a five bedroom house though, and more or less filled it. We still have PLENTY of storage here, but there aren't any vacant rooms except the formal dining room, and even that at least has my china cabinet.

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