Denise Austin's Been Doing Me Wrong All These Years | Do Try This at Home: Denise Austin's Been Doing Me Wrong All These Years

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Denise Austin's Been Doing Me Wrong All These Years

So The-Guy signed me on to his gym membership. It turns out that as part of the gym orientation, they tell you you're fat. Or at least they told ME that I'm fat.

I tried to argue that all my fat was in my boobs, but the gym guy said they account for boobies. Men are supposed to be some certain percentage and women are supposed to be some other HIGHER percentage. Because they have boobs.

He seemed so sincere that I decided not to waste my breath arguing about how there should be different fat percentages for women with different bra cup sizes. And I suppose he's right to a certain extent, because in part that's why I was there. Because my boobs are all exploding out of my bras and I either need to lose fat or buy new bras, one or the other.

But I (wisely?) decided to keep that information to myself when they asked for my goals during the orientation. I told them my goal was to keep my man company on Saturday mornings at the gym. Because honestly I've got Denise Austin to help me keep my fat under control. Or so I thought.

Still, it's funny how convincing the gym guys can be EVEN THOUGH the art teacher stopped me in the hall on Friday specifically to ask me how I got my stomach so flat after having two babies.

And here's the secret to that one: work out every morning with Denise Austin for ELEVEN YEARS!!!! Seriously, my baby is 11 already. Hers isn't even a year old. I don't think she has to lose hope just yet.

Although Denise Austin totally forgot to tell me I'm fat, so maybe she's not the awesome workout buddy I thought she was. Maybe the art teacher should try the gym for 11 years instead.

Anyway, here are a couple random pictures. My boy raising the flag at school:He's the shorter one without the blurred face.

Older Gal on a turtle rescue mission:
Here's yard of the month near my kids' school:And last but not least, my good for nothin' cat sticking out his tongue:Hope everyone has had a nice weekend!

12 comments:

Beth said...

I think that gym would be a total turn off to me based on that conversation. Any idiot can look at you and tell that you are not fat, to sit there and crunch numbers and ignore the obvious tells me they must all be non-thinking drones who work there. What kind of gym encourages anorexia? Perhaps you and the guy should take your business elsewhere!

Beth said...

And, and, and, how can you trust anything else they tell you? wouldn't listen to any workout advice, it is probably wrong too. How do they think they can build any sort of trusting relationship with you when at the first meeting they show you they don't know what they are talking about? Can you tell I am mad about this?

Christine said...

No, the word you are looking for is "stacked". They are morons.

But then, we knew the people who would grow up to be gym managers were morons.

Arizaphale said...

I don't know what's worse, being told you're fat when you're obviously not or being told you're fine when you know for a fact that nothing in your wardrobe fits you any more! I am super impressed you have time to do a work out video every morning !!!
Yard of the Month. Ha! :-D

ALF said...

My Wii fit tells me I'm overweight every morning. What a great way to start the day.

SJ said...

I call it willful blindness. They profit from telling you to do this routine or that.

Kristine said...

My Wii told me I was fat. I nearly threw it in the trash. Adn that's not nearly the movitivation I needed anyway, as seen by the fact that it only gets turned on once every couple of months.

Bruce said...

Dont' feel bad, I recently blogged about getting a Wii Fit. It put them through a bunch of initial setup test and then proudly told me that I am obese.......now THAT is real customer satisfcaction....having a brand new $199 video game tell you, you're fat.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Beth - I made you mad AGAIN when I didn't mean to!!! Really I just thought it was kind of funny. I mean, I was surprised that I came out fat on his scale, but it doesn't bother me a lot. I'm pretty aware of how I need to eat and work out to look the way I want to look, & I'm not terribly interested in losing all the fat the guy wants me to lose. I just want to fit in my clothes and stuff. But he was just so earnest and sincere it was funny. I thought it was funny!

Funny Christine!

Arizaphale - Yeah that's why I get up at five in the morning. I don't like seeing fives in the morning, but I do it so that I can be only 8% too fat instead of even fatter.

Alf & Kristine & Bruce - I've always wanted to be told I'm fat by a video game. Then I'd only be virtually fat... or something.

Bruce, I remember that post!

SJ - Yeah, maybe their machine says everyone and their brother (& sister) need to be impossibly skinny. Maybe the whole calculator thing was just a hoax and they punch in a bunch of numbers and tell EVERYONE they're fat.

A Free Man said...

Who's Denise Austin?

I'm starting at the gym on Monday because I don't need a personal trainer to tell me I'm getting fat,

Loraine said...

I think the gym people tell folks they're fat to keep you coming back and trying to lose weight. It's how they make money. By lying.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

A Free Man - She's the woman on my workout video. And she's incredibly peppy. And fitnessier-than-thou. However, she helped me get off all my baby weight.

Loraine - Yeah. But I don't think they really *know* they're lying! I mean this guy just looked SO PLEASANT! And earnest!

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