Because when I make pancakes, I make them all delicate and fluffy with real butter like my mom taught me. And why the heck would you want to add fiber to a food that is going to give you a heart attack anyway?
But then I thought, "I guess it's like a Sea Breeze or a Cape Cod. Because with those drinks you can improve your urinary tract while destroying your liver."
And so with the Fiber One pancakes, you can probably destroy your heart WHILE you improve the health of your colon!
When I searched for it I found it at Amazon, which also listed it under the "buy used and new" section! Who buys used pancake mix? Especially not when we all know good and well that we're supposed to be afraid of even UNUSED pancake mix.
But then I looked on the nutrition label and I'm not even sure it WOULD destroy your heart. And how good could it really even taste if you don't add milk or eggs? And so that's why I don't buy box mixes EVEN if they could possibly be good for my colon.
On a totally and completely related note, our family had this heartwarming conversation at dinner the other night:
Younger Gal - There's rape in the Torah. It's true! Noah raped one of his sons...or was it one of Noah's sons who raped him? I think it was one of his sons who raped him! We studied about it when we were learning about honoring your parents! We're not supposed to rape our parents...This was a little later in the conversation, and to find it funny, you have to know as much as I do about Hebrew, which is practically nothing. But I DO know that our rabbi is always encouraging the kids to add phlegm to their Hebrew, often in the form of a "ch" sound sort of mixed with with a gargle.
Me - Oh good. I feel so much safer now.
Older Gal - Does it really use the word "rape"?Last but not least, I went to a seminar this week on setting limits with kids and stuff. Although I'm not exactly sure WHY I needed to go, when I have this old standby:
Younger Gal - Yes. It really does. We're not supposed to rape our parents.
Me - What IS the word rape in Hebrew?
Younger Gal - "rape-ch-ch-ch"
"If you don't change your clothes out from the washer to the dryer this very instant I'm going to burn all your clothes and you'll have to go to school NAKED!!!"Naturally I ordered the materials on how to get your kids to do chores.
Yeah, anyway, the moral of THIS week's story is, I gather, send your kid to a religious school because they learn all sorts of useful stuff like not raping their parents which OBVIOUSLY helps reinforce the limits that you're setting at home*.
And also, pancakes out of a box will probably kill you at some point EVEN if you don't buy it "used", I'm just not sure how yet. But at least you'll have a clean colon when you die.
And also, Happy Birthday Mom!!!! People still want to know about the blood!
(*Seriously I do LOVE having my kids at a religious school, by the way)