It's All Fun and Games Until Someone's Covered in Barf | Do Try This at Home: It's All Fun and Games Until Someone's Covered in Barf

Monday, June 08, 2009

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone's Covered in Barf

The stomach bug sunk victim number four yesterday. I wish I'd had the presence of mind to take a picture, as there were four of us in the car AND the two cats (one in a cardboard box, one in my younger gal's arms) when my boy suddenly puked all over everything.

It was a glorious shade of orange too, because of the carrots and salmon and orange bell pepper he'd had for lunch. So that would have made a vivid picture. But at the time I was more concerned with whether or not I was going to get pulled over as I sped home.

Here's a member of our family that wasn't in the car. His name is Pirate Pete:But we call him Poisonous Pirate Pete because of the warning on the box:Yes, Older Gal and I saw the warnings on ole' Pete before we bought him. But selection was low and we figured no one would actually be handling or eating Pete. He'd just be sitting there in the yard, minding his own business and only looking scary to those of us aware of his carcinogenic proclivities.

But by the time we got him home Older Gal wondered what would happen if children who came up to trick or treat touched him and I wondered if the chemical that causes the cancer, birth defects and other reproductive harm would leach into the soil whenever it rained.

Both were moot points, because we didn't get many trick-or-treaters and we had an exceptionally dry fall. Nevertheless, Pete lived in my car for a good month while I attempted to return him to Target. The problem is, I don't really return things in a timely manner.

So then yesterday I tried to give Pete to Goodwill, but it turns out Goodwill doesn't accept Halloween decorations. Needless to say, Pete was crushed. He can't understand it. They'll take the birth defects and cancer, mind you, but no thanks on Halloween. At any rate, Pete's looking for a home if you know anyone that's up for some reproductive damage.

On a totally unrelated note, I saw this on Yahoo the other day:
Web mourns two deaths
The Internet faces the tragic loss of a young Olympic athlete and a beloved actor
That's odd - I didn't realize the internet had feelings! Of course, about 10 years ago I heard something on the radio claiming that computers had the intelligence of cockroaches and that they expected computers to have the intelligence of cats very soon. But they didn't mention anything about working toward providing the internet with feelings. Then again, the internet was still kind of new then...

Meanwhile, older Gal has promised full disclosure on the vibrating boobs thing, along with whatever other information she chooses to disseminate about diabetes. So that guest post will be coming soon to a computer screen near you.

11 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

I am SO glad you didn't take a photo. Urk, urk, urk... Looking forward to full disclosure on the vibrating boobs and diabetes mystery.

Kristine said...

I gave Christmas Decorations to a Women's Shelter Thrift Store - they might take Poisonous Pete off your hands.

Arizaphale said...

Nice of them to share that lead info with you :-) Nice also of your young man to share his lunch. Ewww been there and done that!!!!!

ALF said...

Is this something known only to the State of California or do the other states know it too?

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

DJ Kirkby - Eh...It wouldn't have been as bad as when I put up that picture of my boy's SKULL SHOWING!!!! Now that was gross! Still, I'm glad I didn't subject you to it. :-)

Kristine - Good idea! Poisonous Pete needs a good home. Preferably somewhere in a colony with lead apron wearing infertile people. Oh wait...lead's the problem in the first place...

Arizaphale - I thought it was particularly nice of him to share it with ALL of us (Older & younger gal, me, and both cats) in a small enclosed space like that. He's so thoughtful!

Alf - I wondered that myself. It's certainly not known here in the great state of Texas. Or it's known but ignored. In fact in downtown Houston, they probably snack on Poisonous Pete.

ElPato said...

Poor internet! I imagine it feels about as low as anyone else. Nice to see you again

A Free Man said...

I'm on a kind of anti-corporate rant these last couple of weeks and shit like Pirate Pete just make my head nearly explode. Just saying that your product is coated in lead doesn't make it OK. Damn these people make me mad. Throw it away, don't give it to someone else.

My interest is piqued on vibrating boobs. Boobs of any variety really...

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

El Pato - Yeah, they should have thought twice before giving it feelings...
Good to see you too!

A Free Man - Yeah, I kind of put myself between a rock and hard place though, because even if I throw it away, it still goes somewhere! Although I guess leaching lead into a garbage dump is better than leaching it into the front yard.

SJ said...

Does the lead cause cancer outside of the State of California? The S of C does know some morbid stuff!

Ricardo said...

Why on earth would this company sell such a product!?!?

Thanks for the vomit details, yuk.

The internet most certainly has feelings!! And think you've hurt them with this post.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

SJ - I'll bet that's it! It only causes cancer in the state of California. So us Texans are safe!!!!!!

Ricardo - Well...I guess 'cause they got my fifteen bucks (or whatever it costs) dag nab it... I'm sorry I hurt the internet's tender hearted little feelings. But you are TOTALLY welcome on the vomit details! So glad to oblige. :-)

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