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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Chock Full o' Fiber...


It seems folks have been needlessly worried about my tampon munching cats. As it turns out, they do not have an insatiable appetite for cotton rayon blends.

They have not been ingesting dioxins left and right as they devour every last feminine product in my home. And, in case you were wondering, dioxin levels in tampons seem to be at an all time low, but thanks for your concern for my favorite four legged hairballs!

Yes, while I was heaving my couches to and fro in an attempt to find that elusive carpet stuff that resides somewhere below the layer of clutter and above the reclusive woman who lives below (Okay, I don't actually know that she's reclusive, it's just that I've only met her once in a year and a half. That counts, doesn't it?), I found OVER thirty tampons secretly stashed by my fuzzy little friends.

So you see, they weren't actually serving them to cockroaches or mice as horsdeuvers while I wasn't home,
or if they were, the cockroaches and mice ate much less than expected. (Hey, they've got to entertain themselves somehow while I'm at work!).

Instead, as it turns out, they have been hoarding them on the off chance that either of my two male cats ever get a period so heavy he requires THIRTY or more tampons to be immediately available.

As an aside, if you've ever wondered if December, (and particularly the first night of Hanukkah when one has guests over) is a great day to have the carpets cleaned, the answer is yes and no.

On the one hand, it's great if you want your stress levels to skyrocket unnecessarily. But then on the other hand, there are plenty of people around and one or more of them might offer to move the furniture back into place. (Thanks Ray!)

Meanwhile, I've since bought a combination safe in which to store my tampons and am trying to teach the cats to serve something more practical to their guests when they entertain, such as all those smelly candles and lotions that are so prevalent this time of year.

25 comments:

delmer said...

I remember the Saturday morning my brother and I found the box of individually-wrapped telescopes under the bathroom vanity.

We got a couple out, opened them up, and watched cartoons through them.

It seems that tampon technology has made some advances over the past 40 years as the type your cats are serving to their guests are different than I remember.

delmer said...

Wait a minute ... the third one in from the upper left-hand corner looks like it might not have been disassembled and that it may have some telescoping abilities to it.

Maybe tampons had been perfected by the mid-60's.

(Well, the lower-dioxin bit sounds like an improvement.)

Jill said...

Oh yeah they've retained their telescoping abilities!!! Funny! :-) :-) :-)

Derek Wong said...

Oh that's mighty fun! I'm surprised that you didn't notice them disappearing faster than you usually use them. Although I suppose that if they were being hoarded slowly, it would have been hard to really notice it.

So did the cats just enjoy using it as some kind of toy? Are you going to continue to allow them to use the ones that they already took? You're not going to use any of them are you?!??

Jill said...

Derek - Oh believe me, I've been keeping the tampons under lock & key for awhile. I knew they'd gone missing, just figured the cats had actually *eaten* them! Those things are not exactly dirt cheap either!

Ms. Q said...

Yah know, seeing them scattered on the floor like that shows me why your cats like 'em. They look like mice! Sorta. I mean they have a tail and in their plastic applicator, they are probably easy to bat around.

Dioxin? Tampons have dioxin? I thought they were just big compressed cotton wads.

Nope, those things aren't cheap.

Lara said...

I remember someone over at 2Peas saying their cat ate tampons...was that you?

Glad that they didn't actually eat them....they do look like very fun toys for the cats. :)

Sara said...

Your cats eat tampons....

That is priceless. I'm still giggling over this one.

disa said...

they do make the perfect cheap cat toy...string to paw at, cotton to claw at. when my mother was younger they used to call tampons "white mice"...perfect for kitties...

Noelia said...

Maybe Santa could leave a box of tampons for your kitties under the tree this year :)

ALF said...

Mmm...delicious tampons! My mom's dogs used to eat *used* maxi pads out of the bathroom trash. Now that's a real treat!

Allie said...

What is it with animals and eating items that simply should not be eaten? My dog used to eat the crotch out of all of our underwear.

I'm sensing a pattern: tampons, maxi pads, underwear crotches... Eew! Animals like hoohaa associated products.

ALF said...

Allison ~ You said hoohaa! Doug says hoohaa!

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol, your cats are more crazy than mine and that is something I thought I would never be able to say!

SJ said...

This blog is no longer safe for single men.

Ray said...

As a parent of one of the children in your Sunday school class, I am shocked, shocked to see the words tampon and Hanukah used in the same blog post. Latke Lifters notwithstanding...at Temple Beth Rehoboth Beach, welike our Sunday school teachers to be icons of purity not purileness. How would you like to be free on Sunday's???? Perhaps you'd then spend a weekend in a den of iniquity like New Orleans for a whole WEEKEND. I bet you'd like that....

ALF said...

Is ray serious?

Jill said...

Ms.Q - Yeah, now that you mention it, they do kind'a look like mice!!! Dioxins come from bleaching I ***think***. I'm not sure why tampons have to be bleached though, since cotton's already white...

Lara - Might have been me! I've never really done a tampon munching thread, but I'm sure if I happened to see a "weird things cats eat" thread, I probably threw in my two cents...or two tampons...or whatever... :-)

Sara - My kitties aim to please!!! Glad they could entertain! :-)

Disa - Yeah, Ray of the Sunday school post directly above suggested that they might could use some ACTUAL cat toys! Imagine! Tampons probably ARE cheaper, but they're one of those things you don't like to be suddenly surprised when you're out. :-0

Great idea Noelia!!!!! I can imagine the marketing opportunities for that one...

Alf - ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll just take a moment to feel lucky about the munching on unused tampons now...thanks! And Ray was alluding to the fact that I accidentally forwarded my blog address to my Sunday school parents yesterday...Although he's totally correct that I wouldn't mind sleeping in on a Sunday now and again, in New Orleans or anywhere else...

Alf & Allison - I prefer "bookey-loulkey" to "hoo-ha." It just sounds more professional I think... :-) :-) :-)

DJ Kirkby - I dunno, I've read some of your cats' exploits and I think they might be neck & neck with mine... :-) :-) :-)

SJ!! You're BACK!!! How's your knee/leg/pain level all that???? Not too much blogging here for me bec. of the holidays, so I haven't been over to your blog. But I'll seriously try & keep the tampon discussions to a minimum! KIDDING!!!!!!!!!! I love tampon discussions. I especially love Christmas carols that have tampons in the lyrics...

Ray - You are the *B*E*S*T* Sunday school parent *E*V*E*R*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would *L*O*V*E* to spend a weekend in a den of iniquity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is a den of iniquity? Can I interest you in some couch lifting? I have the feeling there might be a secret stash of tampons under there somewhere...
How about seeing my kid's play 17 times? No? Well, 'ya wanna come sit around & READ then????

Staci said...

LOL, that totally sounds like something my cat would have done!

ALF said...

ok, glad to have that cleared up. I was a little scared of ray for a second there.

Roger said...

OMG you posted Jill my reader is messed up sorry I am late! And what the hell did I walk into...Cat nip white mice tampons hahahahaha your always making me laugh Jill!! You "rock" :D

Jill said...

Staci - My cats will have to have yours over for a light brunch sometime... :-) :-) :-)

Alf - I think the feeling might have been mutual... KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-)

Hey thanks Roger & late???? No deadlines here...this is FUN, remember? :-) :-) :-)

jp said...

OH MY! Wait til Lily sees this photo. She'll be whining to go visit your kitties.

Ricardo said...

Wow, I've seen it all. I wonder what the cats find so great about them?

Jill said...

Jp - Tell those kitties of yours to hang onto their whiskers! I've got another picture of their "booty" coming up in another post!!!!

Ricardo - I think Ms.Q's guess is the best I've heard yet...just like little micies!!!! Great profile pic, btw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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