Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Pig Eye Balls and Other Parts (a hot dog story)
I've always told my (own) kids not to eat hot dogs because they have pig eye balls in them. I don't really remember where I heard, saw, or read that little bit of information, but it's not important. What's important is that hot dogs do not look like dead animal flesh the way meat should.
Yeah, yeah, I know everyone tells me there are good quality hot dogs out there that look exactly the way a dead pig should look. I'm sure they're probably right. Who the heck knows? I thought the whole point of hot dogs was to give your kid something disgusting yet cheap to eat and to fulfill some sort of requirement at baseball games.
But all that is beside the point. The point is, here's a story about a pretend six year old we'll call Joe who may or may not have been a member of a classroom next door to mine.
Joe's one of those kids that every teacher in the school knows by name because, you know the kid: you don't stop hearing his name. All day long.
His teacher is afraid he's going to bring one of his family's guns to school wreak havoc one day, but aside from that he's basically a sweet kid. Just, y'know, not so much cut out for the dog eat dog world that is public school (No pun intended. OKAY!!!! Pun totally intended!!!!!! What can I say.).
One day I was at the head of my line of first graders and he was at the end of the line in the class directly ahead of mine. I hear him say to the girl just in front of him, "Amanda! Do you know what's in hot dogs?" She shook her head no and he whispered something into her ear.
Curious to know if his information confirmed or refuted my pig eyeball claims, I slowed my line of children until there was a big gap in between Joe's line and my class. I stepped ahead into the gap and called him back so that we could have the following discussion fairly privately:
Me - "Joe! What's in hot dogs?"
Joe - "Huh?"
Me - "You just told Amanda something about hot dogs. What IS in hot dogs?"
Joe - (confidently) Pig anuses. There's pig anuses in hot dogs.
Joe - (looking up at me quizzically, squinting) Aren't there?
Me - I don't know. What do you think?
Joe - (again confident) There are.
Me - (shrugs) Go ahead & catch up with your class.