Pig Eye Balls and Other Parts (a hot dog story) | Do Try This at Home: Pig Eye Balls and Other Parts (a hot dog story)

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Pig Eye Balls and Other Parts (a hot dog story)

I've always told my (own) kids not to eat hot dogs because they have pig eye balls in them. I don't really remember where I heard, saw, or read that little bit of information, but it's not important. What's important is that hot dogs do not look like dead animal flesh the way meat should.

Yeah, yeah, I know everyone tells me there are good quality hot dogs out there that look exactly the way a dead pig should look. I'm sure they're probably right. Who the heck knows? I thought the whole point of hot dogs was to give your kid something disgusting yet cheap to eat and to fulfill some sort of requirement at baseball games.

But all that is beside the point. The point is, here's a story about a pretend six year old we'll call Joe who may or may not have been a member of a classroom next door to mine.

Joe's one of those kids that every teacher in the school knows by name because, you know the kid: you don't stop hearing his name. All day long.

His teacher is afraid he's going to bring one of his family's guns to school wreak havoc one day, but aside from that he's basically a sweet kid. Just, y'know, not so much cut out for the dog eat dog world that is public school (No pun intended. OKAY!!!! Pun totally intended!!!!!! What can I say.).

One day I was at the head of my line of first graders and he was at the end of the line in the class directly ahead of mine. I hear him say to the girl just in front of him, "Amanda! Do you know what's in hot dogs?" She shook her head no and he whispered something into her ear.

Curious to know if his information confirmed or refuted my pig eyeball claims, I slowed my line of children until there was a big gap in between Joe's line and my class. I stepped ahead into the gap and called him back so that we could have the following discussion fairly privately:

Me - "Joe! What's in hot dogs?"
Joe - "Huh?"
Me - "You just told Amanda something about hot dogs. What IS in hot dogs?"
Joe - (confidently) Pig anuses. There's pig anuses in hot dogs.
Joe - (looking up at me quizzically, squinting) Aren't there?
Me - I don't know. What do you think?
Joe - (again confident) There are.
Me - (shrugs) Go ahead & catch up with your class.


Janet said...

OK, I will never buy another hot dog as long as I live.... :-)

delmer said...

So, you should be able to sell eating hot dogs to little kids based on the Fear Factor factor (weak pun intended).

Well, at least the little boys would be on board with it.

People in the Sun said...

Most people know what they're doing when they use puns. It was very brave of you to admit that you meant it. I have a good joke I heard in the bookstore I used to work in (so you know it's intellectually adequate):

A woman goes into a bar and orders a Double Entendre, so the barman says, "I'll give you one."

Anonymous said...

Oh hot dogs, so delicious yet so mysterious.

Oh kids, so simple yet so funny.

ALF said...

ha ha ha ha! Do you think he even knows what a pig anus is?

Also, hotdogs = delicious.

Anonymous said...

mmmmm...pig anus...

DebW said...

Too funny TFS!!

Lara Neves said...

Yuck. I hate hot dogs anyway. And let me tell you that is a very interesting picture you chose to illustrate this post.

Bruce Johnson said...

So who started this awful rumor that Pig Eyes and Pig Anus' are bad for you? The Pig Anus Advisory Board is going hear about this!!!...(past the mustard)

Unknown said...

Yes, I belive you are correct on this one Jill. Also, it's better we DON'T know what's in them.

SplendidlyImperfect said...

I've always said they were made from Pig lips and a**holes, so I guess I'd be on board with Joe's description!

Beth said...

who cares, it is all ground up and nice and smooth, way better than sausage with all that grissel! please don't tell me you spent the time carving those cute octopi hot dogs?

Christine said...

My kids have decided that at the meat plant, they cut up all the steaks and pork chops and chicken breasts and what have you and sell that.

At the end of the day, when they clean up, there is a lot of leftover disgusting meat scrap stuff all over the floor, right?

They sweep THAT up, and make hot dogs.

Needless to say, a pack of hot dogs lasts a very long time at our house.

Jill said...

JP- Glad to have done my good deed for the day! I turned someone off to Lysol once too.

Delmer - Yeah, you'd think pig anuses and eyeballs might actually be a selling point.

People - :-) :-) :-)

Funny Derek!

Alf - There's not a doubt in my mind that that boy knew what an anus was. Or how to use a gun for that matter. :-) Six year olds ain't what they used to be...

Jeff - Delish, right?

Thanks Debw!

Lara - I knew I needed not just your average hot dog for this post. :-)

Lotus - None for me thanks!

Ricardo & MissM- Glad your vote is with me on this one!

Beth - You are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO kidding, right?!? I devote more time than strictly necessary to this blog, but I like to think I don't go totally overboard! Ok, maybe I DO go overboard, but I still didn't carve up the hotdogs... :-) :-) :-)

Christine - Your boys are welcome to eat at my house any ole' time. That's EXACTLY the kind of dinnertime conversation I like to promote. :-) :-) :-) RIGHT BETH?!?!?! Weren't we just talking about chicken slaughter at the Chick-fil-A the other day?!?!?!

Kerry McKibbins said...

I think Joe used to attend my school, lol.

RW said...

Hey I just had one for supper!!

Jill said...

Kerry - I think Joe attends just about every school, doesn't he? :-) :-) :-)

Roger - But was it shaped like an octopus? :-)

Maureen said...

First - LOVE the octopus dog!!!

Second - I shall never eat another hot dog again...

Thanks for both. ;)

Carey said...

I can believe it! But seriously, I just ate a hot dog tonight! Gross! LOL.

Anonymous said...

Derek's comment: well said!

This post: hilarious as evah!

I hadn't heard that hot dogs were made of "pig anuses" but it's so funny that a kid used a more adult word (no ass, no butt). I was told that hot dogs were made of "parts" and those "parts" probably had a high percentage of SNOUTS.

What I also thought was odd was that my dad made me balogna sandwiches and there was the first confusion of the fact that how did balogna become "baloney" and how was something that looked (in the deli case) like a GIANT HOTDOG and have the texture of a cold hot dog not be essentially a HOT DOG??

PLUS, why was I eating balogna sandwiches? I didn't want balogna sandwiches although I never liked PBJs either since well...

Anyway, we all joked in school that "parts is parts" but I slowly stopped eating hot dogs plus there was the whole Nitrates thing and living to over a 100 on preservatives alone and then they'd cut you open to find the gum you swallowed at age 7. And maybe a few pennies.

But ya know, back in the day when I liked camping, there was something so delicious about a hotdog burnt to a crisp from being held too close to a campfire.

So I will indulge in some extruded parts formed into a tubular foodstuff and then grilled. Ketchup and basic yeller mustard and sweet relish...yum!

Hmm...maybe I'll cut 'n paste this into a post.

Noelia said...

Ok, this was gross...
I haven't had hot dogs in a very long time but just last week and I'm ashamed to say it was quite tasty. Now I'll be thinking about this next time I even look at a hot dog.

Ingrid said...

I think the octopus shape actually adds to the creepiness of thhe who "hot dog" thing.

Tracy said...

Thanks for pointing me to this post.
I was always told that they were made out of lips and arse holes LOL.
Ya after seeing how they were made, I believe it gross.

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