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Monday, May 26, 2008

Maimed Guest Blogger

My gal was tortured at the beach today. She was hesitant to post pictures of her despair until I told her she could tell the story herself. So here's my 12 year old's story in her own words (and with her own photoshopping of the picture too):
BTW mommy i'm almost 13. but anyway heres my super fun and exciting story about today on the beach.

so i have this really really pretty new bathing suit. its all pink and yellow and orange and white and brown and gold pretty stripes. so we got there and the guy who knows a song about a chicken and mommy and jared went into the poopy water, but i didn't want to.

so i'm standing there and all of the sudden a BEE flies inside my prettiful new swimsuit. and i'm screaming but no one can hear me, cuz there out in the poopy water.

but it was ok cuz the bee didn't sting me but it was still really really scary.
then later when we go back in the water. we are playing for a while but mommy decides she is like almost drowning so we go shallower. mommy is holding onto my hand and then i feel this THING on my arm and it REALLY REALLY hurts and i scream and scream so we get out.

then mommy called this guy in a red truck who was like a little portable hospital and he told us it was a jelly fish sting and it really hurt. then he put MEAT TENDERIZER on the sting and told me we were going to grill me and eat me. he was weird. he put vinegar on it too which smelled almost as bad as the poopy water. i don't remember this really well cuz i was crying so hard.

mommy says i have to donate my bat mitzvah money to the truck people now. it hurt. a lot. just wanted to make that yeah thats my sooper fun and exiting day at the beach.
My girl wants an end with a funny comment. What can I say? Besides for the bee and the meat tenderizer and the jelly fish sting it was a really nice day, made even nicer by the fact that there were paramedics right there at the beach and we didn't have to spend three or four hours in the emergency room. But made worse by my 12 year old telling me I'm turning into an old person.

Next up:
a picture of my boy not even picking even picking his nose at all

a story about why it's impossible to stay irritated with the guy who knows a song about a chicken for even fifteen seconds, dag nab it...


delmer said...

If I'm not mistaken, and my Friends History is right, you can also urinate on jelly fish stings.

So it seems the almost-13-year old got of easy.

(Sorry for her pain ... that's got to be worth being able to hold on to some Bat Mitzvah money.)

People in the Sun said...

Oh, that's horrible. We used to have these monsters everywhere in Israel. They sting and they burn, and then you're embarrassed because you have this five-year-old picking them up because he knows they can't hurt you as long you pick them by the head, which I guess is that faceless round thing on top.

I also heard peeing on it might help, but if I need to pee, I'd pee on the monster, teach them all a lesson.

Janet said...

oh, gosh...that sounds really painful. It did make for a great blog story, and it seems your dd has her mama's way with words. ;-) Hope ur next trip to the beach is less eventful!

Christine said...

Please tell me you said she should make a donation OUT OF SOME OF her bat mitzvah money. Right? She still gets to keep some?

ALF said...

delmer - you are quite right and I am officially impressed with your Friends knowledge!

I was impressed with the gal's writing right up until "sooper".

Carey said...

Great story! Never knew that meat could relieve the pain out of a jelly fish sting...just for that she should not have to give up her Bat Mitzvah money...poor girl!

And the fact that the paramedic said he was going to cook her, creepy! LOL.

Jill said...

Delmer, People, Alf - Yeah, I saw that Friends I think. My problem at the time was that I didn't know WHAT had happened. She was happy and laughing and smiling and then then she was screaming & crying. I figured something must have stung her but I couldn't even see a mark. Very strange.

People - Yike! the water any clearer there at least so you can see them???? The police officer said she was the third or fourth person to be bitten that day. :-(

Thanks Janet! She liked that idea!

Christine - She's supposed to give a certain percent to charity. She'll keep some. Although to hear her tell it, she keeps the gift cards and gives all money gifts to charity. I guess we'll figure all that out later...

Alf - Well, for whatever it's worth, "sooper" (along with "prettiful") was on purpose. :-)

Carey - The paramedic was actually really nice. He was all, "Your not going to let this keep you out of the water, are you?"

Unknown said...

Jelly fish and bee are rock musicians? You know as in Sting? Now I'll get outta here.

Beth said...

My Goodness Gravy what a story :) still laughing over that exclamation!

DJ Kirkby said...

Dear Maimed Guest Blogger,
Take no notice of all these 'old' people. I have been stung by jellyfish too. It hurts more than words can say but is nowhere near as bad as having meat tenderiser and vinager poured on top of the sore bit while your mom laughs. Tell her I said the Jelly Fish should give money to the truck people, not you.
Sending you lots of sympathy from a really 'old' person

Anonymous said...

Sad about the Jellyfish. Yet, it leaves a lot of jokes that I cannot convey on this family friendly blog. I'm glad it wasn't too serious.

Have to give it to the beach people for having portable hospitals.

Glad the day turned out well regardless of a few mishaps.

Maureen said...

Great story! I think you should guest blog more often!

Sorry to hear of your pain; I hope you are feeling better. Good thing the paramedics were there!

Write again soon... I enjoyed it (well, not that you got hurt; but the way you told the story).

Ingrid said...

Ouch! Those stings hurt so bad! My idiot brother (well, this was 15 years ago, but he's still an idiot) ran around on the beach STEPPING on jellyfish that had washed up on shore because it made them glow. He couldn't walk for two days.

Thanks for sharing that story! Hearing it from the 'victim' made it even better.

Jill said...

Too cute SJ :-) :-) :-)

Goodness gravies then, Beth, glad the toadlet situation is under control! I said it again at work yesterday...

DJ - I didn't laugh!!!!! It was actually really horrible, although it makes for a good story. :-( :-) She's not going to give all her money, just the percentage she would have given to charity anyway.

Urban Thought - Yeah, I never EVER post anything inappropriate for children on this blog!!! :-0 :-0 :-0 KIDDING!!!!!! Still, I appreciate your restraint given that I'm sure my almost 13 year old will read these. We were SO LUCKY about the paramedics on the beach. We could have spent a good long time if I'd taken her to the hospital.

Thanks Maureen! She hasn't read responses yet, but school's out for her so she'll get (a little) more time now.

Yikes Ingrid! How on earth did he manage to step on so many? Wasn't he in pain right away?

Anonymous said...

Your daughter is definitely related to you. I figgered "Sooper" and "prettiful" were intentional as well as her tone of voice.

I get the sense that there were plenty of eyerolls going on!

Dang that sounded painful - I've just read about jelly fish stings (in Australia) and whoooa. Nasty. That is so great that the paramedics were on the beach!

Your daughter still calls Razor "the guy who.."?

The bee thing makes me wonder if your daughter is some type of attractor - for some reason, bees like to follow me. Sometimes flies which is gross. Maybe it's insects in general because when I visited a butterfly garden, then tend to land on me and hang around. I mean HANG AROUND while I wander around and then I have to nudge it off when I leave.

Anyway, do similar things happen to your daughter?

Jill said...

Ms.Q - You know, it's weird because when I was younger I would ALWAYS be the only person in a group who got insect bites. Now they more or less leave me alone & go for the next person. So maybe so, yeah. And maybe by the time she's nearing 40 they'll leave her alone too.

No, she doesn't call him that. I told her she had to bec. he doesn't want his name. It's funny though - she does remember looking at his dating profile before we went on our first date & announced that fact over dinner recently. I can't remember now if she was for or against me going out with him.


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