Voted Least Likely to Become an Alcoholic | Do Try This at Home: Voted Least Likely to Become an Alcoholic

Monday, April 06, 2009

Voted Least Likely to Become an Alcoholic

I can imitate a binge drinker pretty well, but no matter how hard I try I don't think I can attain true alcoholism for this reason: I often forget to drink.

I'm all stressed out about one of life's greater or lesser hassles and I go straight to the garage for an axe. Because it's unladylike to gnaw on the type of chocolate that The-Guy buys and I can't figure out any other way to break some off:But then I remember this about anxiety and stress: Stimulant BAD. Depressant GOOD. My brother has even, on occasion, had to remind me: "Maybe you should have a drink."

So if I do become an alcoholic, I'll have to have somebody follow me around all the time reminding me to drink.

The sky was magnificent yesterday morning. My picture in no way does it justice, because as usual I was trying to snap it from the driver's seat of a moving vehicle:Seriously though there was a point where the freeway turned and the sky opened up and I just couldn't figure out why there wasn't car accident after car accident caused by drivers mesmerized by the sunrise.

There's still a lot of roofing left to do from the hurricane around here. That blue stuff is still tarp, yes indeed-y:STILL. You may or may not remember that the hurricane was way back in September.

I saw this sign at the grocery store the other day. I noticed that the section is called, "Healthy Meals":Now I'm no doctor (or a nurse or dietitian or a nutritionist) or anything, but a bunch of chemicals that I can't even pronounce, thrown together in a box doesn't even constitute a meal in my book, much less a healthy meal. Here's the ingredients list on one of those suckers:I realize it's illegible, but I'd be willing to bet most of that stuff isn't even food.

Here's another rose The-Guy grew for my scratch and sniff blog:Anyhow...that's about it from here for now. I'm getting google searches for chocolate covered matzoh. Seeing as two years ago I told one or more people that I'd post the recipe, I guess that's coming up next.

16 comments:

Arizaphale said...

OMG that sky is breathtaking! We face west so our sunrises are a bit ordinary but we do get sunsets that look a bit like that. Warms your heart don't it?
Fake food reminds me of a section from one of my fave books (and inspiration for the 'flaming sword') 'Good Omens'. One of the four horsemen of the apocalypse is Famine, who has updated himself and recently invented Nouvelle Cuisine.He has also produced CHOW(TM) and MEALS (TM). CHOW(TM) contains spun, plaited and woven protein molecules, capped and coded and carefully designed to be ignored by even the most ravenous digestive tract enzymes. Looks like you found it! MEALS(TM) was basically the same as CHOW except with added fat and sugar!
BTW: I am little concerned that you reach for the axe when stressed. I mean, its probably ok, you're probably trustworthy with an axe aren't you? But all the same......

Kristine said...

Sadly, our axe is always dirty when I need chocolate, so I'm a gnawer.

Suz said...

Wow that is one wild sky. I had to click on it so I could see it even better

Derek Wong said...

Nice pictures! Mmmm chocolate. Perhaps he should just get you your very own axe for that special task.

delmer said...

Our sky was filled with snow up until an hour ago.

It's April ... I'm in Ohio ... we're not supposed to have snow now.

Bruce said...

I have the solution to all your problems. Chocolate Martini's. I personally can't stand them, since I am a 'Gin' traditionalist, but they should be right up your alley.

Sridhar said...

I can't imitate a binge drinker no matter how often I try.

ALF said...

Is there a section labeled "unhealthy meals"? Because that's the aisle I want to shop in.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Arizaphale - Funny on the fake food! It's gotta be the same stuff. I never thought about the axe that way...I'm sure I'm TOTALLY trustworthy!!!! (evil grin) :-0

Kristine - This one looked relatively new, but I still washed it before I used it. :-)

Suz - I wish I hadn't been driving so I could have gotten a better picture. It was just amazing!

Derek - I've always wanted my very own chocolate axe! Maybe he'll get me one next valentine's day! :-) I'M KIDDING!!!! I'd like to say that the one from the garage worked just fine, but in reality it was still sort of hard to break off any chocolate.

Delmer - It's been SO cold here too!!!!!!!!!!! It was FORTY!!! FOUR ZERO on my way to work the other day! This is April for cryin' out loud!!!!! We should have had on the air conditioner for a good couple months by now!

Bruce - I've always thought of those as sort of a waste of calories. They're not really chocolatey enough for me to think of them as chocolate, and yet they must have a ton of sugar and stuff. Still, that might be one solution!

SJ - You should see if they offer binge drinking classes at your local college or leisure learning school. It's a very important skill.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Alf - I'm pretty sure the "unhealthy meals" section is anything outside of the produce aisle. :-0 :-0 :-0 Ok, maybe the fish too...

A Free Man said...

If it comes frozen, in a box, microwave ready - chances are it ain't 'healthy'. Maybe the sign should say "Relatively Healthy When Compared to McDonalds Meals"

DJ Kirkby said...

Great photos, the one of the 'healthy' food made me shudder. Love your concept of becomming an alcoholic, I can just imagine your 'people' following you round reminding you that it was time to get utterly drunk and make a fool out of yourself 'for your own good'.
xo

Maureen said...

OMG a scratch and sniff blog would be so cool! Well, at least until you get to the "poop-related" posts... nevermind.

Awesome photo of the sky!

Kerry McKibbins said...

I tend to use the chisel method: kitchen knife and meat tenderizer. Works for me, although all of my knives have flattened ends from all the smashing with the tenderizer.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

A Free Man - Yeah, that would be a much more appropriate sign I think!

DJ Kirkby - Yeah! It's for my OWN GOOD!!!!!!!!!! :-) :-) :-)

Maureen - I can see what you mean on the poop related posts. :-)

Kerry - I hadn't thought of a chisel! Actually, The-Guy has chisels out in the garage - I wouldn't even have to pound the daylights out of a knife!

Wendy said...

Wow, that is some sky! I'm bitter because you're shot-on-the-fly pictures look way better than mine. Waah. Maybe if I actually used a CAMERA instead of just my phone.

What a concept! :)

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