Church of the Latter Day Kitty Litter | Do Try This at Home: Church of the Latter Day Kitty Litter

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Church of the Latter Day Kitty Litter

You know how when life gets to be too much, every now and then and you wish you had a giant eraser to wipe the thoughts out of your brain and then you're all, "Maybe I should become an alcoholic!"

But instead you just promise your cat that you'll spend the entire summer petting and adoring him because surely that's gotta be akin to meditation and less self destructive than becoming an alcoholic on purpose. Besides, he's a really needy cat who would probably thrive on the attention.

No? It's just me then? Ok, well you know how sometimes it's fun to just sit around and make up new religions to take your mind off things? No?

At any rate, I decided to invent a new religion called Church of the Latter Day Kitty Litter, so either way please send huge donations of cat food (hairball prevention formula, preferably) to the branch opening near you...

Because who could be more deserving of an entire religion devoted to him than my cat Sugar? He's fairly friendly (when he's on his bipolar upswing) and RARELY bites anyone's face off.

Look at how he protects us from harm!

And by harm, I mean vicious star of David garland that I put up for Hanukkah, of course. As I've posted before, he guards all the feminine hygiene products:

He's even into recycling:

So go ahead, worship him from on high...or while he's way up high...however that saying goes:

Once I dated this guy who came dangerously close to calling me names when he told me that he defines a "crazy cat lady" as "any woman who lives alone with more than one cat."

At the time I realized I had only narrowly missed his implied insult. After all, I lived alone with two cats on the weekends when my kids spent with their dad.

Now that I shacked up with The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken, I figured I was pretty much out of the running for "crazy cat lady". But now that I reread my post, I'm wondering if maybe his requirements were actually a little too stringent.

25 comments:

Kristine said...

I believe you have to live alone with 4 cats to be a crazy cat lady. And that's full time alone. So I'm pretty sure you're not a crazy cat lady. Regular crazy maybe, but not crazy cat lady.

Janet said...

Well, Sugar is certainly worthy of adoration!!! He looks especially regal with the feminine hygiene products.

As far as the proper number of cats to be labeled "Crazy Cat Lady", I'm afraid I don't have that info...I just tell my family that I need one cat per person living with me, to cancel out all the things the humans do that drive me nuts!

ALF said...

I agree that you need to have more than 2 cats to be a crazy cat lady. And I'm totally with you on the first part.

Brown English Muffin said...

he totally looks like he posed for that first picture but I have no idea how you'd get a car to pose like that!!! LOL

Suz said...

Too funny!

To be a Crazy Cat Lady you have to live alone & have more the 5 cats... that's the official Websters definition lol. no really it's just subject to change as to how many cats I have .... (my hubby, son & I have 4

NancyJones said...

well sugar deserves it I would hate it if any rogue feminine hygiene products went on a rampage and injured any one ::snicker:: I feel sooooo much safer with sugar on the prowl. I think we should have a commemorative plate numbered series even, as well as a national holiday in his honor. (paid of course but off work)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Kristine - Phew! What a relief!!!! Just regular crazy... :-) :-) :-)

Janet - Oh it's the humans that are driving us nuts?!?! No wonder!!! I thought it was the cats! At one cat per human, we seem to be lacking three cats around here...

Thanks Alf!

Brown English Muffin - That was a shot by the older gal. Nothing posed about it though - he fought that garland tooth & nail!

Suz - So five makes it official, huh? By Janet's equation you should be extra sane at your house because of your 3:4 ratio and all...

NancyJones - I can't wait! Sugar day as a national paid holiday - time well spent! :-)

Arizaphale said...

All cats are 'into recycling', or anything else that resembles a container which can be got into. It is a cat thing. As a future crazy cat lady (when everyone dies or leaves me alone with my pickled and preserved alcoholic self and my cats)I can tell you that the more you love a cat, the more likely he/she is to have no road sense or an over fondness for attacking poisonous reptiles and arachnids. Hopefully Star of David garlands do not fall into either of these categories and Sugar will be around collecting tributes and offerings for years to come.
PS: saw a sign recently and thought of you...but didn't have a camera with me. curses.

Sharon said...

I think the crazy cat ladies have like 72 cats and are cat hoarders! You just have a normal cat. And we know that cats are funny as your has demonstrated! My cat does not guard the feminine hygiene products, she just uses them as toys. So embarressing to come home and find tampons all around the house. ;-)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Arizaphale - I didn't know that about cats! I think the cats of my childhood got eaten by wild animals, except for one that wasn't allowed outside & she died of old age at 16. But she hated my guts because my parents had her before they had me, so maybe you're right about that after all.

And that's why I always keep my camera in my purse! I should really get one of those small ones they sell now days so I could have room for other stuff in my purse too.

Sharon - I used to always have that problem. But now I have two doors between where the cats are allowed and the only box of tampons, so that helps.

People in the Sun said...

Being an alcoholic has always been appealing to me. I've been around many alcoholics, and there's nothing worse than being with one. But being an alcoholic myself, and having someone take care of me, and falling down stairs, and getting mugged by 12-year-old punks on my way back from the bar, and drinking and driving, and everyone I know looks at me with pity and I don't care because I'm drunk... One day I'll get the courage of my convictions and Just Do It.

Cheri said...

OMG thanks for a good giggle!:) I LOVE the pic of Sugar on the frig, and I'm quite certain he wants you to adore him...cats do often think they are deities, right?!

I can be rather irreverent too, so this totally caught my funny bone.

As to crazy cat ladies...I am a dog person myself, though if my DH would acquiesce, I'd have a nice orange tabby tom cat:)

We have a very ornery beagle who digs out of our backyard to chase bunnies. I think our neighbors are sick of her...

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh my you do make me laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!! xo

Maureen said...

Ha!

Well, definitely you need more than four cats to be considered a CCL (I have three).... ahem.

And my Dakotah doesn't protect my "products"; she just plays with them. Until I chase her down that is.

Kerry McKibbins said...

This is now my favorite blog.
I can so relate...I mean, come on.....how many times have I contemplated becoming an alcoholic?? Too many to count!

You are too freakin' funny.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

People - I do hope you find the courage one day! Those Nike logos can be so inspiring.

Thanks Cheri! Irreverent is the right word I imagine.

Thanks DJ Kirkby!

Maureen - Well, if you count Alf's "more than 2" as a three, and don't discount Sharon's 72 cat theory, I think our average here is hovering around 17.2 cats. We're probably all relatively safe. :-)

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Kerry - Thanks! And it's so good to know I'm not alone on the whole alcoholic thing. We need our own support group. Something like, "We would be alcoholics if we weren't so dadgum busy". Just like AA...or triple A. Only without actual meetings, because I'd never have time to attend.

Sridhar said...

Aww come on we know you don't need a cat to be thought of as crazy!

John C said...

As long as you have four cats, you can have as many goats in cages in your yard and not be called the local 'goat lady'.

Get down to three cats, and you'll be the laughing stock of the hamlet.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

Thanks SJ! That's quite the compliment...or something. Made me laugh, regardless.

John C - Bummer, because I was planning goat lady as my next career move! And now I'm going to be the laughing stock of the whole hamlet?!?!

John C said...

:giggle snort:

Goat lady, cat lady, lady shacked up with the guy that knows a song about a chicken.

The children in your hamlet will undoubtedly be affected.

You should have a Kool Aid stand, you know...or a stall like Lucy from peanuts. hehehehe

Beth said...

you don't need a cat to be considered crazy!

A Free Man said...

Hey, I guess it was enough for the Egyptians. But cats? Not for me.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

John C - "The children in your hamlet will undoubtedly be affected"

I just hope the majority of the children in my hamlet have good insurance, because therapy can get really expensive.

Beth - That seems to be the consensus around here! :-) :-)

A Free Man - Don't worry, soon you won't have to limit to straight cat or dog debates. Your boy may be begging for all sorts of pets. I get requests for hamsters, gerbils, hedgehogs, and possums on a regular basis.

John C said...

Mental health benefits are always lacking, especially in insurance policies from work.

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