Shamelessly Mining the Google Searches. Again. | Do Try This at Home: Shamelessly Mining the Google Searches. Again.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Shamelessly Mining the Google Searches. Again.

I hate to shamelessly mine the Google searches that have landed people here, but when people arrive here having used the search words, "slutty pumpkins", what the heck is a gal to do?!?!? Besides, how do you even know if your pumpkin IS slutty? Do the pumpkins tell you themselves after you've carved them a face?

I had a search recently for "orthopedic bodily functions". What does that even mean? I suggest stopping by a blog that's a little more medical in nature.

I still get searches wondering who should call during dating. And I continue to insist that it's the man's job. The man should do ALL the calling.

Now it happens that I do call The-Guy-Who-Knows-A-Song-About-A-Chicken these days, but that's only because I live with him. Up until moving in together though, I'm certain it's the man's job to do all the calling. Except, a friend did tell me once that an engagement ring also serves as license to call a man.

So, shacking up and/or engaged and the women get to call. Otherwise, still the guy's job in my book.

Somebody searched "What do I do if I'm dating a guy that does cocaine all the time." Obviously this person was a day late and a dollar short for my best dating advice: don't date cokeheads.

I got this search: "i ran over a dead armadillo can i get leprosy." Now I don't know a heck of a lot about leprosy, besides the fact that it's hard to spell. But I'm going out on a limb here by saying that unless your driving is REALLY unconventional, most of the germs from what you drive over end up on the tires, not on your body.

"Untouched boobs" isn't coming up quite as often as it used to, although predictably "vibrating boobs" is coming up in the ranks.

Way more people want to know about lips than boobs though, specifically "sun burnt lips" and "pictures of sun burnt lips." LOTS and LOTS of people want to know about sun burnt lips.

I hate to disappoint half the free world (or at least that portion of the free world that is landing here having sought pictures of sun burnt lips), but sun burnt lips look pretty much the same as regular lips. They just feel sort of puffy and raw. They could be a little more red I guess, who knows.

So that's the best I have to offer here at Google-Searches-R-Us, folks! The picture at the top of my cat making yoga toes, by the way, has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I just thought the post should have a picture. And, y'know...a picture of sun burnt lips wouldn't really have looked any different than a picture of regular lips.


Anonymous said...

picture by cassie gonzales :)

Jill said...

And a great picture it is sweetie! :-)

Kristine said...

I wish I had better google searches...I guess I don't write about weird enough stuff

A Free Man said...

Yeah, my Google searches are usually pretty tame.

ALF said...

Those searches are hysterical. I guess people think that Google really does have the answer to everything.

And what a cute picture of the cat!

Jill said...

Kristine & A Free Man - If you want I can use a lot of questionable words when I comment on your blogs. I think that would do it. :-)

Thanks Alf! And btw, what's the deal with me not being able to read your blog anymore?!?!?! I mean I know you said it was a work thing to make it private or something, but I never even got a chance to show my kids that picture of the dog desk! :-( :-( :-(

Older Gal said...

Woo! Vibrating boobs!!!

Maureen said...

Yeah, my Google searches are bo-ring!

I love your cat photo!!!

Unknown said...

How do you teach yoga to a cat?

Jill said...

Older Gal - Yeah! Let's hear it for the vibrating boobs!

Maureen - Same offer I made to Kristine & A Free Man applies! Just let me know when you want something vagina-y in your post comments. And thanks about the photo - my 14 year old actually took it (I gather, since she claimed credit above).

SJ - I think they have special classes for that. :-)

Unknown said...

This reminds me of some of the crazy results I gt that lead people to my blog. I was getting "sex with dogs" but I've written no such thing about that nor do I advocate it.


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