So, thanks to the online dating world, I’ve been seeing this guy who actually does know a song about a chicken. It happens that he has a 19 year old daughter who claims he’s “Twipply Skwood” (or "triply screwed" as pronounced by a seven year old if you're still wondering). But I’m fairly certain he has to be doing something okay in her eyes, ‘cause she’s willing to spend a pretty fair chunk of time with him.
All I wanted to do when I was 19 was see skip college classes and date cokeheads. Have I mentioned that I’m an EXCELLENT role model?!?!?!?!? After all, I know where all the best body piercing studios are.
I said on one blog post that this is not the place to find actual dating advice, but I was mistaken. I have some really valuable dating advice for every young adult on the planet:
DON'T DATE COKEHEADS!They lie a lot and then tend to either die or go to jail. Besides, I’ve heard that coke decreases sex drive, so who wants to bother with that?
I say, wait until sex feels like a chore because you’ve been married for umpteen years and you're exhausted because your husband rarely helps with housework or parenting and still expects you to work full time and THEN encourage him to start using coke. I’M KIDDING!!!!!!!!!! I am totally and completely against the use of cocaine. I mean, why bother when beer is legal and all?
Despite being infatuated with cokeheads during my late teens, I’ve never had even the slightest interest in actually using cocaine. I’m not really sure what the draw is, although as popular as it is there must be some advantage or another. Perhaps it’s desirable for people who aren’t as naturally caffeinated as I am.
All that said, I absolutely LOVE music about cocaine. Who wouldn’t? I mean, there’s such a variety:
Townes Van Zandt - Cocaine Blues
Jackson Browne – Cocaine
The Grateful Dead - Aren’t most of theirs drug songs?
Eric Clapton - of course
Johnny Cash - Cocaine Blues (but a different song by the same title than the Townes Van Zandt song)
The Old Crow Medicine Show - Cocaine Habit and Tell it to Me
And those are just songs about cocaine that I can think of right off the top of my head. I’m sure there are plenty of songs with drug references that I don’t get since I don’t do drugs. And there are probably also a number of songs I will think up fifteen seconds after posting this. I actually hope to see more show up in the comment section.
By the way, in addition to being pro-songs-about-cocaine, I am also still in favor of skipping as many college lecture classes as possible if the material is easy enough to learn without going to class. Kidding!!!!! Okay, only partially kidding. Sorry David and Matt and parents the world over. Did I mention that I’m an excellent role model?
One final note: since I truly am getting at least two Google searches a day looking for motorized, ride on beer coolers, I've set up a link on the side bar! Say "Hi" to Martin from me!